Part Three : Dragon Fire
La Choy chow mein ads
Mid 1960’s
The La Choy Dragon is another character who’s familiar to Muppet fans; we all know him from the supermarket commercial that they show in all the Henson documentaries. But the dragon had a longer shelf life than just one commercial…
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La Choy Dragon : Supermarket
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| [ A supermarket, shelves piled with cans. A mother pushes a shopping cart, followed by her Cub Scout son. A very normal, placid suburban scene. ] | |
| Mother
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What do you feed twelve hungry Cub Scouts? |
| [ The Dragon pokes his head over the shelves. ] | |
| Dragon
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May I make a suggestion? |
| Mother
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[ gasp ] Who are YOU? |
| Dragon
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I’m the La Choy Dragon! |
| [ The Dragon stomps into the aisle, knocking over cans. He’s enormous. Alarmed, the mother pulls her son closer. The boy is impressed. ] | |
| Son
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Gee, a real dragon! |
| Dragon
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What YOU need is La Choy chow mein! Oops. [ The Dragon gestures at some chow mein cans, and knocks them over with a crash. ] It’s never mushy. It’s crisp and crunchy! |
| Mother
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[ warily ] It is, huh… |
| Dragon
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La Choy chow mein is quick cooked by ME in Dragon Fire! |
| [ The Dragon lets out a burst of flame over the display of cans. A “La Choy Chow Mein” sign catches fire. ] | |
| Dragon
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Quick cooking makes La Choy chow mein as crisp and good as the takeout kind! |
| [ The store owner rushes up and puts out the fire with a quick burst from his fire extinguisher. He grumbles at the Dragon and exits. ] | |
| Dragon
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And one more thing. |
| Mother
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What’s that? |
| Dragon
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Try La Choy NOODLES! [ Crash! The Dragon knocks over a stack of noodle cans. ] Serve ’em with La Choy chow mein for a perfect meal in just six minutes! [ The Dragon towers over the cowering woman. ] BUY SOME TODAY! |
| Mother
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[ terrified ] I will! I WILL! |
| [ The Dragon stomps off down the aisle. ] | |
| Dragon
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And REMEMBER! You heard about it from the La Choy DRAGON! |
| [ The Dragon stomps around the corner. Cans and displays rattle and crash to the floor. ] | |
| Narrator
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La Choy chow mein. As crisp and good as the takeout kind. [ Burst of flame. ] Because it’s quick cooked in Dragon Fire. |
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La Choy Dragon : Kitchen
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| [ A typical suburban sitcom kitchen. A woman stands helplessly in the kitchen, holding a pot. ] | |
| Narrator
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Behold the sad bride who can’t cook. |
| Wife
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[ close to tears ] I can’t even boil water! |
| [ The Dragon peeks out from the pantry. He’s wearing a chef’s hat. ] | |
| Narrator
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Behold the dragon who lurketh in the pantry. |
| Dragon
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Lurk, lurk. |
| Wife
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Eeek! It’s a lurking dragon! |
| [ The Dragon emerges from the pantry. Cans crash to the ground. ] | |
| Dragon
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The La Choy Dragon, lady, with La Choy chow mein! Crisp and good as the takeout kind — [ He slams a can down on the counter ] — because it’s quick cooked in Dragon Fire! [ He lets out a burst of flame over the can. The wife gasps. ] For a six-minute supper, just heat… [ He grabs a pot from the counter, knocking other pans to the floor with a clatter. He brandishes the pot. ] … and SERVE! |
| [ The Narrator describes the delicious ingredients in La Choy chow mein. ] | |
| [ Cut to: Later. Husband and Wife sit across from each other at an intimate table decorated with lit candles. ] | |
| Husband
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[ eagerly ] This chow mein is delicious! |
| Wife
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[ with a coy smile ] Thank you, dear. |
| Dragon
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WAIT! |
| [ The Dragon stomps on. ] | |
| Dragon
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I forgot the La Choy NOODLES! |
| [ The Dragon dumps the noodles in a bowl, then stomps back into the kitchen. ] | |
| Husband
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[ looks at the Wife, confused: ] Uh… |
| Wife
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[ smiles ] Just a friend, dear! |
| Narrator
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La Choy chow mein — five different kinds, always crisp. [ Burst of flame over cans. ] |
| Dragon
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Quick cooked in Dragon Fire! |
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La Choy Dragon : Fire
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| [ A suburban living room. A button-down Muppet character with glasses, suit and tie. He reads from a piece of paper. ] | |
| Man
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On the following days, I eat chow mein. Groundhog Day, Guy Fawkes Day, Bastille Day, the Fifth of July — |
| [ The Dragon enters, and towers over the Man. ] | |
| Dragon
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That’s not often ENOUGH! |
| Man
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Hey, you’re a dragon. |
| Dragon
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Of COURSE! I repeat: You don’t eat chow mein often ENOUGH! |
| Man
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Could he really be a dragon? |
| Dragon
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Now let’s get rid of that list. [ Burst of flame — The list burns up. ] |
| Man
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He’s a dragon, all right. |
| Dragon
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I bring you La Choy chow mein! The delicious six-minute Sunday supper! |
| Man
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What’s a dragon doing here? |
| Dragon
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I’m the La Choy Dragon! And I quick cook La Choy chow mein in Dragon Fire! Like so! [ Burst of flame. ] |
| Man
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Hey, let’s watch that. |
| Dragon
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Quick cooking makes La Choy chow mein CRISP! Never MUSHY. |
| Man
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Is it as good as the takeout kind? |
| Dragon
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You bet your bean sprouts! [ He towers over the Man. ] Good and CRISP! Because it’s quick cooked in Dragon Fire! [ Burst of flame. ] |
| Man
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Hey, not in the house. |
| [ Cut to: cans of La Choy chow mein. ] | |
| Dragon
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La Choy chow mein. The perfect six-minute Sunday supper. Try all four kinds! |
| [ Cut back to: living room. It’s all burned up and smoking. The Man looks around at the smoldering ruin. ] | |
| Man
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So go ahead. Buy La Choy chow mein. (cough) But watch out for their nutty Dragon. |
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La Choy Dragon : Protest
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| [ The Man has a sign : “CRISP CHOW MEIN”. ] | |
| Man
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I’m here to campaign for crisp chow mein. |
| Dragon
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Have you tried La Choy chow mein? |
| Man
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No. |
| Dragon
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It IS crisp and crunchy! Not MUSHY. As good as the takeout kind! |
| Man
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How do you know? |
| Dragon
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I’m the La Choy Dragon! I quick cook La Choy chow mein in Dragon Fire! |
| [ The Dragon lets out a blast of flame. The Man’s sign catches fire. ] | |
| Man
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Crisp chow mein. A burning issue. |
by Danny Horn
