Part Three: Meeting of the Minds
| Rizzo
|
[ on tape ] This is… [ A CNN logo flies past. ] Uh… That was CNN! |
| Kermit
|
Okay, welcome back, everybody. Now, don’t adjust your TV sets. Larry King did not turn green. I’m Kermit the Frog, and I’m filling in for Larry while he’s on vacation. [ Hulk Hogan and Carol Alt try to speak. ] I have to introduce you first. Just a second. My next two guests got their start in two very different worlds, the world of high-fashion modeling and the world of professional wrestling. Gee, come to think about it, maybe those two worlds aren’t so different after all. Anyway, these two superstars are now both conquering the world of television in their new syndicated adventure show, Thunder In Paradise. Here are Carol Alt and Terry Hulk Hogan. Welcome, guys. [ They applaud. ] Oh, thank you. I appreciate the applause. |
| Carol
|
That was very good. |
| Hulk
|
Very good. |
| Kermit
|
I’m kind of new to all of this. |
| Hulk
|
Ribbit. |
| Kermit
|
Yeah. You know, my first question for you guys is, which one of you is the high-fashion model and which one is the wrestler? |
| Carol
|
He is. |
| Hulk
|
I am. I’ve been making a fashion statement for quite some time, with those yellow tights, yellow boots, and sweaty, old bald head. By the way, Chris Lemmon, my partner… |
| Carol
|
Yes, Chris! |
| Hulk
|
… Nicholas, Brooke, my wife Linda. Hi. |
| Kermit
|
Yes, well, you know, isn’t it great to be on here and be able to say hello to everybody? |
| Hulk
|
Mom! Hey, Mom. Hey, Dad. |
| Carol
|
Even when you didn’t want us to. |
| Kermit
|
Well, listen, one thing I need to clear up before we go too much further. Should I call you Terry, or Hulk, or maybe Elmer, or Maurice, or… |
| Hulk
|
Well, you’re my friend. You can call me Hulkster. |
| Kermit
|
Hulkster. Oh, great. |
| Hulk
|
Hulkster, dude. |
| Kermit
|
Hulkster, dude. |
| Hulk
|
That’s right. |
| Kermit
|
How did I do? I’m not too good at that. |
| Carol
|
And don’t make mistakes or he’ll body-slam you one. |
| Kermit
|
Ooh, that doesn’t sound like a lot of fun. |
| Carol
|
Trust me. I’ve made a couple mistakes. |
| Kermit
|
Uh oh. Oh, dear. Well, listen, now, I want to talk about your new show, Thunder in Paradise. |
| Carol
|
So do we. |
| Kermit
|
Yeah, well, of course. That’s why you’re here. Now, I know that originally it was a movie, and now it’s a TV show. Maybe you should tell everybody a little bit about it. |
| Carol
|
Did it start that way? What happened here? I thought it was originally a TV show, and… |
| Kermit
|
Oh, maybe I’m wrong. Well, I know there was a movie. |
| Hulk
|
Go ahead, start. |
| Carol
|
You start. |
| Hulk
|
I’ll start. |
| Carol
|
He’ll start. |
| Hulk
|
[ starting ] This is a brand new action-adventure family show. Prime-time, syndicated, all across the country. It’s about two ex-Navy seals. I’m one of them, and my very good friend and partner, Chris Lemmon, who is sitting at home, getting ready to have a baby — I mean, his wife is — he’s the other Navy seal. And we have a high-tech boat, like a Batmobile of the water, called The Thunder. |
| Kermit
|
Wow. |
| Hulk
|
And I own a little beach bar. And the lovely, voluptuous, always charming, Mrs. Carol Alt, works for me, the way it should be. |
| Carol
|
Oh, wait a minute. Don’t start. |
| Kermit
|
Carol may have different feelings about that. |
| Carol
|
Yeah, don’t start. |
| Hulk
|
And I’ve got a little daughter named Ashley Gorrell. Mr. Patrick MacNee is also in the show. |
| Kermit
|
Oh, I remember Patrick MacNee from… lots of stuff. |
| Carol
|
Yup. |
| Hulk
|
That’s right. |
| Kermit
|
Sure. |
| Hulk
|
I’m one of the producers of the show. And I’m partners with the guys that do Baywatch. So, we do have a white, sandy beach, with all the beautiful bodies, men and women, on there. And it’s the greatest thing on TV, next to you, Kermit. |
| Kermit
|
You know, I think that’s great. I love the fact that you’re working around the water and stuff. We need to take a telephone call. We have a telephone call from Hollywood, California. Go ahead, Hollywood. |
| Piggy
|
[ on the phone again ] Hel-lo? |
| Kermit
|
Sheesh. |
| Hulk
|
Hello, hello. Sounds like she’s my type. |
| Carol
|
I recognize that voice. |
| Piggy
|
I’m not going to take much time. I just want to say one thing to dear, sweet Carol. And Carol, this is from the heart, okay? |
| Carol
|
Okay. |
| Piggy
|
Seriously. With all my love. Keep your cotton-pickin’ hands off my frog. |
| Kermit
|
Piggy, please. |
| Carol
|
Is that a threat? |
| Piggy
|
Just take it as you will. |
| Carol
|
Oh, okay. |
| Kermit
|
Listen… |
| Piggy
|
Kermie — |
| Kermit
|
Wait, wait, wait, Piggy, Piggy, Carol is a happily married woman. |
| Piggy
|
Sure, tell me another story. |
| Kermit
|
No, it’s true… |
| Piggy
|
Kermit, there’s a fan of Hulk Hogan’s here, who would like to say… I’m going to go now, and… |
| Carol
|
But, I promise, Miss Piggy, my hands are on the table. |
| Piggy
|
Good. I’ll keep the TV on. |
| Kermit
|
Okay. |
| Animal
|
[ on the phone ] HULK HOGAN! HULK HOGAN! |
| Hulk
|
Who’s this, dude? |
| Kermit
|
It’s Animal! |
| Animal
|
An-i-mal! |
| Kermit
|
Remember the drummer in the Dr. Teeth band? |
| Hulk
|
Animal? |
| Carol
|
Animal! |
| Kermit
|
Animal, what are you doing there with Miss Piggy? |
| Animal
|
Hulk Hogan! Hulk Hogan! Hulk Hogan! |
| Kermit
|
Animal, calm down, Animal. |
| Animal
|
Bye bye. |
| Hulk
|
Animal, you sound like Miss Piggy’s agent. You know something, Kermit, I think to make Thunder in Paradise the number one show in the world, we need to get Miss Piggy out on the beach over there at Disney World — |
| Carol
|
In a bikini. |
| Hulk
|
In a red and yellow-polka-dot bikini. I like those colors myself. |
| Kermit
|
Well, I appreciate that. I’m sure Miss Piggy would appreciate it. But I’ve got to tell you, it’s a very scary thought. |
| Carol
|
Oh, I’m not touching that one. |
| Hulk
|
I think it would make the show. |
| Kermit
|
You think it would make the show? |
| Hulk
|
I do. |
| Kermit
|
I think it would make the show something. I’m not sure what. You’ve got to be very careful with pigs in the sun, you know. |
| Carol
|
Why? |
| Kermit
|
You could end up with breakfast. It happens. |
| Carol
|
I walked right into that. |
| Gonzo
|
[ enters ] This is going great. This is fantastic. |
| Hulk
|
Yo, Gonzo. |
| Gonzo
|
This is so cool. |
| Hulk
|
You’ve been directing the show. |
| Kermit
|
Gonzo… |
| Gonzo
|
Wait, I can’t leave. |
| Kermit
|
What’s the matter? |
| Gonzo
|
I don’t know. I’m stuck. |
| Kermit
|
Excuse us. What is that? |
| Gonzo
|
There’s gum under here. |
| Carol | Kermit, are you sticking your gum under there? |
| Kermit
|
No, it’s Larry King. He’s got… |
| Gonzo
|
Larry King puts his gum under here. |
| Hulk
|
Oh, no. |
| Gonzo
|
And there must be — |
| Kermit
|
He’s got — oh, there’s about 50 pieces. |
| Carol
|
What’s on this side? |
| Gonzo
|
50, 60 pieces under there. |
| Kermit
|
Watch your step, guys. |
| Gonzo
|
Yuck. |
| Kermit
|
Hey, listen, everybody. We have to go to a break. But we’re going to come back and do more talking with our two special guests here. And a lot more show. So we’ll be back very shortly. |
| Gonzo
|
Oh, it’s going to be so cool. |
| Kermit
|
Yeah. This is great fun, huh? |
by Danny Horn
