The Jim Henson Hour: Monster Telethon, Part Two

Published: July 2, 2003
Categories: Uncategorized

The Jim Henson Hour
Monster Telethon, Part 2:
We Need More Money!

Cast: Jim Henson (Kermit), Dave Goelz (Gonzo, Digit, Blue Monster), Kevin Clash (Host Monster), Steve Whitmire (Purple Monster), Gordon Robertson (Pink Monster, Luncheon Counter Monster),  Rob Mills (Codzilla), unknown (Lion).

 

Gonzo

 

Kermit, you’re in luck! The chickens and I have worked up a great act!

 

Kermit

 

Well, Gonzo, I don’t really need any more acts. 

 

Gonzo

 

But this is more than an act! This is an opening number!

 

Kermit

 

But I’ve already got a great opening number! Hey, Digit, cue the Nylons! 

 

[ The Nylons are cued. In the opening number, the white lion sits outside the New York public library. The Nylons, a quintet of squeaky-voiced bachelors, sing “The Lion Sleeps Tonight” as they bring the lion through the city. They wheel the lion on his platform through Central Park and into a jungle, where he falls asleep. ]

 

Kermit

 

See? I knew it’d be a great opening number! 

 

Gonzo

 

But, Kermit — 

 

Kermit

 

Gonzo, the answer is NO! 

 

Gonzo

 

But at least let me TELL you about this great new chicken act! 

 

Kermit

 

NO! 

 

Gonzo

 

It’s the definitive roller poultry version of The Sound of Music! 

 

Kermit

 

Roller poultry? 

 

Gonzo

 

I’m glad you asked! 

 

    

 

Kermit

 

Uh, I didn’t ask… 

 

[ Gonzo whistles. All of a sudden, chickens appear on roller skates, whirling around Kermit and clucking a high-pitched version of “The Sound of Music.” ]

 

Kermit

 

Uh, Gonzo… uh, wait a second… 

 

Gonzo

 

Aren’t they beautiful? 

 

Kermit

 

Uh, chickens… wait a minute… uh… HOLD IT! 

 

[ Startled, the chickens all stop short, and collide with each other. Kermit ends up buried under a pile of chickens. He pokes his head up from under the feathers. ] 

 

Kermit

 

Digit! Do we have anything that isn’t on roller skates? 

 

[ Digit skates by. ] 

 

Digit

 

I can’t hear you, Kermit, I’m on roller skates! 

 

Kermit

 

Just cue the telethon! 

 

Digit

 

I’m trying! 

 

[ Digit presses a button on his remote. ] 

 

    

 

 

 

[ Cut to the Monster Telethon. ] 

 

Host M

 

O-kay! This is our 78th hour of the Monsterthon. Let’s see how we’re doing!

 

 

 

[ The Luncheon Counter Monster munches on the tote board. ] 

 

LCM

 

NEED MORE!!!

 

 

[ The monsters all laugh. ]

 

Host M

 

Well, as you can see, WE NEED MORE MONEY! 

 

Purple M

 

Hey, hey — tell ’em why we need more money! 

 

Host M

 

Why do we need more money? 

 

Purple M

 

Yeah! 

 

Host M

 

BECAUSE WE WANT IT! 

 

[ The monsters scream and laugh. ] 

 

Pink M

 

YEAH! WANT YOUR MO-NEY! 

 

Blue M

 

And if you don’t give it to us, we’ll come around and stick a piano UP YOUR NOSE! 

 

Host M

 

Heh heh ha ha! Up your nose! Ha. 

 

You May Also Like…

Written by Danny Horn

Read More by Danny Horn

Pin It on Pinterest

Share This