For the past few decades, people have been defining themselves by fitting themselves into one of four categories. Forget horoscopes and Myers-Briggs, people went nuts for getting sorted into Hogwarts houses.
Because of course, there are only four types of human beings. But I digress.
Due to a continuing series of insensitive and damaging comments made by Harry Potter author J.K. Rowling over the past few years, everyone seems to have agreed to table the Hogwarts sorting conversations for the time being. And I get it – it’s a tricky thing to allow yourself to have fun chatting about what color scarf you’d be wearing at your magical boarding school without worrying about unintentionally supporting closed-minded ideals.
So naturally, it’s time to replace the concept of Hogwarts houses with something else. Something fun and exciting and relatable, and we have just the thing. Yup, it’s Muppets. You knew this was coming.
Both the Muppets and Harry Potter share similar traits. They’re big franchises that span decades and various forms of media, and they’re beloved by people of all ages, many of whom got their first fix as kids. If we’re going to attempt to replace a piece of Harry Potter fandom, we could do a lot worse than the works of Jim Henson.
So forget everything you know about Hogwarts and join me in the magical school of Henson University, where everyone belongs in one of four houses!
The House of Muppet (formerly Gryffindor)
The house of Gryffindor was the most well-known of the bunch, and the same can be said of the world of the world of The Muppet Show. Kermit, Miss Piggy, Gonzo, and their pals are always the first on anyone’s mind when Jim Henson’s career is brought up, and the same can be said of the house that stood as the focus of those Potter books.
Muppet Show residents, much like their Gryffindor counterparts, are known for their braveness and their willingness to help each other. The many adventures of this family of characters reeks of these characteristics. Just imagine the Muppets standing up together against Doc Hopper or Nicky Holiday as if they were Lord Voldemort himself. Or their increased strength when they lean on each other, like when staging a Broadway musical or putting on a weekly variety show with varying degrees of calamity.
The House of Sesame (formerly Ravenclaw)
Ravenclaws are best known for their intelligence and ability to spend exorbitant amounts of time studying. When we think of knowledge, we think of Sesame Street. Although the concepts are often rudimentary, Sesame has taught letters and numbers in hundreds of ways over thousands of episodes to millions of kids. The characters are constantly learning and re-learning, as if they’d need to memorize a song about the letter L to dispel a Death Eater.
And of course, the diligence is extremely apparent. While Ravenclaws spent every spare moment toiling away at their studies, the Muppets of Sesame Street have spent 53 years dedicated to the art of education.
The House of Creatures (formerly Slytherin)
Slytherins are embodied by their ambition and cunning. It’s impossible to look at any project from the Jim Henson Creature Shop and not see the ingenuity and forward thinking that went into every detail of their work. The detailed craftsmanship of any goblin from Labyrinth, the tech that brought the Skeksis of The Dark Crystal to life, and even the animatronics of Where the Wild Things Are or Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles all prove that innovation will always drive the members of The House of Creatures forward.
They’re also deeply invested in their own legacy and a sense of heritage. While that trait often comes across as insensitive with the Slytherins, it’s a point of pride (the good kind!) with the Creatures, continuing the good work developed by Jim Henson and folks like Faz Fazakas and Don Sahlin and the Frouds, through the gizmos and gadgets that brought these monsters to life.
The House of Fraggles (formerly Hufflepuff)
Well, there had to be an “other” category. If you’re not brave, smart, or ambitious, you may as well be a Fraggle.
But that’s not a bad thing! Much like Hufflepuffs, the House of Fraggle values hard work (heck, they do a whole 30 minutes every week!), loyalty, and fair play. As we all know, the Fraggles are loyal to each other to a fault, and their whole lives are dedicated to music, dancing, and the art of play.
Plus, they love to eat. And I’m sure every Fraggle cave is right next to the radish pantry.
So, which Henson House do you belong in?? Put on the Sorting Hat (which, let’s face it, is basically a Muppet itself) and let us know!
Click here to join an all-new house on the ToughPigs forum!
by Joe Hennes – Joe@ToughPigs.com