Chapter 2. The Brink of Default
in which The Mighty Favog
provides fiscal assistance
(October 18, 1975 — host Paul Simon)
| [ Ploobis groans as he looks through a pile of moldy papers. ] | |
| Scred
|
More bills, your thoughtlessness! |
| Ploobis
|
Bills, bills, bills! What’s the use? We’re never gonna be able to pay ’em. |
| Scred
|
Awww, what’s the matter, privy breath? |
| Ploobis
|
Scred… our fair land of Gorch is on the brink of default. |
| Scred
|
No, it’s not, it’s on the edge of Scabland! There’s the border, right over there! |
| Ploobis
|
You idiot! [ POW! Ploobis cuffs Scred in the head. ] |
| Scred
|
Oooh! |
| Ploobis
|
We’re on the brink of default! |
| Scred
|
Well, what does that mean? |
| Ploobis
|
It means we can’t pay our bills. It means the garbage man will no longer be able to deliver the garbage. |
| Scred
|
Oh… How will we feed the rats? |
| Ploobis
|
What we need, Scred, is fiscal assistance! |
| Scred
|
Oh — that sounds painful! |
| Ploobis
|
Scred! [ POW! ] You’re no help. |
| Scred
|
I’m just trying to help, your annoyance… but, ya know, usually when we need help, we ask… you know who. |
| Ploobis
|
Oh, yeah! The Mighty Favog! |
| [ GONNNG! The Mighty Favog is revealed. ] | |
| Favog
|
THIS IS THE MIGHTY FAVOG. THAT’S MY NAME, WISDOM’S MY GAME. |
| Ploobis
|
Mighty Favog — we have come to seek fiscal assistance! |
| Favog
|
OOOH. THAT SOUNDS PAINFUL. |
| Scred
|
That’s what I said! |
| Ploobis
|
Will you shut UP! [ POW! ] Oh, Mighty Favog — |
| Favog
|
TALK TA ME! |
| Ploobis
|
Our fair land of Gorch is on the brink of default! |
| Favog
|
NO, IT’S NOT. IT’S RIGHT ON THE EDGE OF SCABLAND. SEE THE BORDER OVER THERE? |
| Scred
|
See! I told ya! |
| Ploobis
|
Shut up, Scred. [ POW! ] |
| Scred
|
Ow ow ow ow ow! |
| Ploobis
|
Listen, Favog — Gorch is broke. We can’t pay our bills, and we need your help. |
| Favog
|
IT’S GONNA COST YA. |
| Ploobis
|
But we’re broke. I mean, I got nothing to sacrifice. |
| Favog
|
WELL, WHAT ABOUT YER FRIEND THERE? |
| Ploobis
|
He’s got nothing either. |
| Scred
|
That’s right! |
| Favog
|
NO, NO, I MEAN — I’LL TAKE HIM! |
| [ Scred shudders. ] | |
| Ploobis
|
Oh… yeah! |
| Scred
|
No! No, no! Not old Scred! Oh, no! |
| Favog
|
YEAH, YEAH… |
| Scred
|
No, if I go… who’ll torture the birds? |
| [ Ploobis picks Scred up and tosses him into the sacrificial well. ] | |
| Ploobis
|
Get in there. |
| Favog
|
YEAH, RIGHT IN THERE. |
| Scred
|
Oh, no! No, not old Scred! Nooooooo… |
| [ Scred falls in with a splash. There’s a flushing sound, and The Mighty Favog smacks his lips. ] | |
| Favog
|
HE DON’T GO DOWN EASY. |
| Ploobis
|
Listen, Favog — now, how can you help Gorch? |
| Favog
|
GORCH IS BETTER OFF ALREADY. |
| Ploobis
|
How come? |
| Favog
|
YA GOT ONE LESS MOUTH TA FEED. |
| Ploobis
|
Oh, yeah… |
| Favog
|
YA WANT SOME MORE HELP? BRING SOME MORE FRIENDS! |
| [ Scred pops up from the hole. ] | |
| Scred
|
Yeah, and bring some girls! |
| Ploobis
|
Get in there… |
| Favog
|
GET BACK IN THERE! SEXIST REMARK… |
illustration by Chris Smigliano
Gorch Fact
For the benefit of folks who haven’t seen any of the Gorch sketches, here’s what the characters sound like…
Ploobis (Jim Henson) sounds like King Goshposh from the fairy-tale specials, kind of in the Rowlf-Dr. Teeth area.
Scred (Jerry Nelson) has a kind of high-pitched growl, if you can imagine such a thing. Sort of like Robin the Frog after smoking three packs of cigarettes.
The Mighty Favog (Frank Oz) sounds like Fozzie Bear with a New York accent, shouting. Imagine Fozzie doing a hypnosis act — “YOU are in my POWER!” — with some reverb.
Queen Peuta (Alice Tweedy) is basically a shrieky Margaret Dumont.
Wisss (Richard Hunt) is a male Janice — a little more hippie and a little less Valley Girl.
Vazh (Fran Brill) sounds like Prairie Dawn. The other performer who plays Vazh sounds like nothing on this earth.
by Danny Horn
