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Part 7: Piper’s Pickled Peppers
Cast: Jim Henson (Kermit), Frank Oz (Porter Piper, Poppa Piper, Parker Piper), Jerry Nelson (Piper Piper, Announcer), Richard Hunt (Potter Piper).
| Anncr
|
We take you now to Kermit the Frog with another fast-breaking news story! |
| Kermit
|
Now, y’see, Charlie, there’s gonna be a lot of “puh” sounds in this interview. No, “puh”. That’s the sound of the letter P. See the sign right there? See those big P’s, there? Piper’s Pickled Peppers. No, that’s Piper’s Pickled Peppers. Uh… what’s that, Charlie? Wipe off the microphone? Oh. [ He wipes it off on his coat. ] Oh, uh… hi ho there! This is Kermit the Frog, and I’m speaking to you from the pickled pepper patch of Peter Piper, who’s famous for picking a peck of pickled peppers. |
| Kermit
|
And as a matter of fact, here comes Peter Piper now. Excuse me, pardon me, sir, but are you indeed Peter Piper? |
| Porter
|
Nope! Nope, I’m his brother, Porter Piper. |
| Kermit
|
Uh… Porter Piper. I see. But you have also picked a peck of pickled peppers. |
| Porter
|
Well, all we Pipers pick pickled peppers. We’re pepper pickers. |
| Kermit
|
I see. Uh huh. |
| Porter
|
But Pete gets the publicity. |
| Kermit
|
Oh. |
| Porter
|
Excuse me, I gotta go pick a peck. Pardon. |
| Kermit
|
Oh, okay. All right. So, uh, so that was Porter Piper. |
| Kermit
|
But, oh! Oh! Peter Piper, I presume? |
| Potter
|
No, sorry, pal. I’m Potter Piper, his other brother. |
| Kermit
|
Oh, I see, uh, Porter Piper and Potter Piper… but no Peter Piper. Well, let’s see, uh, what do you call this place we’re standing on, sir? |
| Potter
|
Oh, it’s where we put the pickled peppers after picking. Yeah, it’s our pickled pepper pile. Oh, excuse me, I gotta go pick a peck. |
| Kermit
|
A pickled pepper pile. I see. Oh, uh, pardon me, uh, sir — or madam, I suppose… I guess you’re not Peter Piper. |
| Piper
|
Oh, positively! I’m his sister, Piper Piper. |
| Kermit
|
Piper Piper? |
| Piper
|
Is there an echo here? |
| Kermit
|
But, listen, tell me, after you’ve picked these pickled peppers, what do you do with them? |
| Piper
|
Oh, we pack them. |
| Kermit
|
I see. So sometimes you’re picking pickled peppers, and sometimes you’re packing peppers. |
| Piper
|
Mmm. |
| Kermit
|
Uh… what do you pack them in, Piper? |
| Piper
|
Paper. |
| Kermit
|
I should have guessed. |
| Kermit
|
Ah, well, let’s see, uh… Oh! Pardon me, sir. You — YOU must be Peter Piper! |
| Poppa
|
Nope, nope! I’m his father, Poppa Piper. |
| Kermit
|
Poppa Piper. Well, you certainly have quite a family here. |
| Poppa
|
Oh, yep, yep, yep. There’s, uh, Peter Piper, and, uh, Porter Piper, and Potter Piper, and, uh, Piper Piper… |
| Kermit
|
Yeah. And who’s this, right here? |
| Poppa
|
Oh, that’s our dog, Pepper Popper. |
| Kermit
|
Uh, Pepper… |
| Poppa
|
Pepper Piper. Right. |
| Kermit
|
Pepper Piper. I thought that’s what you meant. |
| Poppa
|
Right. |
| Kermit
|
And who’s this thing, here? |
| Poppa
|
Oh, that’s our pig, Porker Piper. Yup, and we got a parrot… |
| Kermit
|
A parrot. |
| Poppa
|
Yep, a parrot called Polly Piper. |
| Kermit
|
Polly Piper! I should have known. |
| Poppa
|
Mm hmm. She pecks pickled peppers. |
| Kermit
|
She PECKS them! Oh ho! Very good! Uh huh! |
| Poppa
|
Yep! Well, I gotta go pick a peck. |
| Kermit
|
Right… This is ridiculous. Oh! Now, wait a second. Pardon me, are YOU Peter Piper, or what? Don’t tell me you’re his nephew. |
| Parker
|
No, I’m his cousin, Parker Piper. |
| Kermit
|
Now, wait a minute! I came here to meet Peter Piper! I’ve met Porter Piper, Potter Piper, Piper Piper, Poppa Piper, Pepper Piper, Porker Piper and Parker Piper, all picking peppers, and WHERE IS PETER PIPER?!? |
| Parker
|
Ah. He’s in Portland, pressing pants. |
| Kermit
|
Oh, phooey. [ Kermit sighs, and sits down in the pile. Peppers fall on his head. ] Well, from the pickled pepper pile in Piper’s Pickled Pepper Patch, this is Kermit the Frog, returning you to the program in progress… Anybody got a letter Q? |
[ A pepper basket falls on his head. ] |
by Danny Horn
