Breaking News
Part 5: Rumplestiltskin
Cast: Jim Henson (Kermit), Jerry Nelson (Miller’s Daughter, Caller #1, Announcer), Frank Oz (Rumplestiltskin, Caller #2), Richard Hunt (Caller #3).
| Anncr
|
We take you now to the king’s castle, where our reporter, Kermit the Frog, is about to cover a historic meeting between the Miller’s Daughter and Rumplestiltskin. |
| Kermit
|
Hark! This is Kermit the Frog here, speaking to you from the King’s palace. And I’m here with the Miller’s Daughter — who’s right back there — and in a few moments, Rumplestiltskin is going to arrive, and he’s going to take away her little baby, unless the Miller’s Daughter can guess his name. Let’s talk to her for a moment if we can. Pardon me, ma’am! |
| M’s D
|
Mmmm? |
| Kermit
|
Ma’am… Kermit the Frog here, Sesame Street News, ma’am… I was wondering… could you come out here, and answer a couple questions, if you don’t mind? |
| M’s D
|
Mmmm? |
| Kermit
|
I understand that you’re, um — ahem — I understand that you’re waiting for Rumplestiltskin, is that right? |
| M’s D
|
Yes, that’s right. |
| Kermit
|
Mm hmm. And if you can’t guess his name, he’s going to take your baby away. Right? |
| M’s D
|
Yes, that’s right. I made a deal with him, and boy, am I sorry NOW! |
| Kermit
|
Yeah. And the fact is, you don’t know Rumplestiltskin’s name, do you? |
| M’s D
|
No, I don’t… do YOU? |
| Kermit
|
Uh. Well, no, actually, I don’t. |
| Kermit
|
But I do have a surprise for you and our Sesame Street audience… |
| M’s D
|
Mmm? |
| Kermit
|
Because we have set up a hotline — we’ve set up a hotline, boys and girls, right here to the castle — and if anybody here knows any information regarding Rumplestiltskin’s name, if you will call us here at Sesame Street 5-55 — that’s Sesame Street 5-55 — call us here if you have any information, and you may save this lovely young lady’s baby. |
| M’s D
|
Please! Oh! |
| Kermit
|
[ The phone rings… ] Ah! Sesame Street News? |
| Caller 1
|
Hello, Kermit? |
| Kermit
|
Yes? |
| Caller 1
|
Rumplestiltskin’s name is Fred. Fred Rumplestiltskin. He used to be friends with my cousin Janice. |
| Kermit
|
Oh, that’s wonderful! Thank you so much! [ He hangs up. ] |
| M’s D
|
Oh, thank you! |
| Kermit
|
Do you hear that? Rumplestiltskin’s name is Fred! The baby is saved, isn’t that wonderful, that a total stranger would call — [ The phone rings again. ] — What’s that? Uh… Sesame Street News? |
| Caller 2
|
Hi, Kermit — I watch ya all the time on television… |
| Kermit
|
Oh, well, thank you! |
| Caller 2
|
Rumplestiltskin’s real name is Otto. Otto Rumplestiltskin. He used to play tag in the mud with my brother Dino. |
| Kermit
|
You mean… it’s not Fred? Well, who is this speaking, please? |
| Caller 2
|
None of your business. Let’s just say it’s a friend. [ He hangs up. ] |
| M’s D
|
But… I don’t HAVE any friends! |
| [ The phone rings again. ] | |
| Kermit
|
Well, maybe this will clear things up, here… uh, Sesame Street News? |
| Caller 3
|
Hello, Kermit? |
| Kermit
|
Yeah? |
| Caller 3
|
Yeah, you tell the Miller’s Daughter that Rumplestiltskin’s real name is Barry. Yeah, Barry Rumplestiltskin. He works at the car wash — you know the one, near Smith’s drug store. |
| Kermit
|
… He does? |
| Caller 3
|
Yeah. So long. [ He hangs up. ] |
| Kermit
|
Uh… |
| M’s D
|
Oh, my… |
| [ There’s a knock at the door. ] | |
| Kermit
|
Oh, good heavens — that’s Rumplestiltskin at the door now! |
| M’s D
|
Oh, no… |
| Kermit
|
I must betake myself to a hiding place, here… and I’ll watch the action from there… Let’s see, if I just, uh… Oh — here’s a good looking place to hide. I’ll get right in here. |
[ Kermit hides in an empty baby carriage. ] |
| R’plstkn
|
Well, there we are, Miller’s Daughter! And here I am, right on time! Well! Have you guessed my name yet? |
| M’s D
|
… Is it Fred? |
| R’plstkn
|
Fred? You must be thinking of Janice’s cousin’s friend Fred. No, it’s not Fred. |
| M’s D
|
Well, then, is it Otto? |
| R’plstkn
|
Otto? No, that’s MY cousin — the one who likes to play tag in the mud. |
| M’s D
|
Hm. Then it must be Barry! |
| R’plstkn
|
You mean the guy at the car wash? |
| M’s D
|
Mm hmm! |
| R’plstkn
|
Mm mmm, no way, not Barry! |
| M’s D
|
No? |
|
R’plstkn |
Well, there you are, three strikes, and you are OUT! |
| M’s D
|
Oh… |
| R’plstkn
|
My real name is… you ready for this? |
| M’s D
|
Yes. |
| R’plstkn
|
BRUCE! |
| M’s D
|
Bruce? |
| R’plstkn
|
Bruce Rumplestiltskin! That’s right! Well, a real easy one, you missed it. So. Where’s the kid? |
| M’s D
|
Oh, he’s out hunting dragons with his father. |
| R’plstkn
|
Mm hmm, that’s what they all say. You just don’t mind if I look around, do you? |
| M’s D
|
No, go ahead. |
| R’plstkn
|
Hmmm, let’s see. If I was a baby in this castle, where would I be? [ He spots Kermit in the baby carriage. ] THERE he is! |
| Kermit
|
Listen, I’m not her baby! Uh — tell him who I am, please! |
| M’s D
|
Uhh… He likes a twelve o’clock feeding! |
| R’plstkn
|
Gotcha! |
| Kermit
|
I like a WHAT? |
| R’plstkn
|
Awww, kitchy kitchy coo! You’re a cute one! |
| Kermit
|
Kitchy kitchy coo yourself! Uh… this is Kermit the Frog, I’m going to return you to your regularly scheduled program… |
| R’plstkn | Let’s go home! Home with Uncle Bruce! |
| Kermit
|
Uh, wait a minute. Where are you taking me? Listen, I can explain this whole thing away! |
| R’plstkn
|
You can visit on weekends! |
| Kermit
|
Wait, unhand me! |
| R’plstkn
|
Oh, we’ll play, and have fun… |
by Danny Horn
