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Part 5: Rumplestiltskin

Cast: Jim Henson (Kermit), Jerry Nelson (Miller’s Daughter, Caller #1, Announcer), Frank Oz (Rumplestiltskin, Caller #2), Richard Hunt (Caller #3).mnews30

Anncr


We take you now to the king’s castle, where our reporter, Kermit the Frog, is about to cover a historic meeting between the Miller’s Daughter and Rumplestiltskin.
Kermit


Hark! This is Kermit the Frog here, speaking to you from the King’s palace. And I’m here with the Miller’s Daughter — who’s right back there — and in a few moments, Rumplestiltskin is going to arrive, and he’s going to take away her little baby, unless the Miller’s Daughter can guess his name. Let’s talk to her for a moment if we can. Pardon me, ma’am!
M’s D


Mmmm?
Kermit


Ma’am… Kermit the Frog here, Sesame Street News, ma’am… I was wondering… could you come out here, and answer a couple questions, if you don’t mind?
M’s D


Mmmm?
Kermit


I understand that you’re, um — ahem — I understand that you’re waiting for Rumplestiltskin, is that right?
M’s D


Yes, that’s right.
Kermit


Mm hmm. And if you can’t guess his name, he’s going to take your baby away. Right?
M’s D


Yes, that’s right. I made a deal with him, and boy, am I sorry NOW!
Kermit


Yeah. And the fact is, you don’t know Rumplestiltskin’s name, do you?
M’s D


No, I don’t… do YOU?
Kermit


Uh. Well, no, actually, I don’t.mnews31
Kermit


But I do have a surprise for you and our Sesame Street audience…
M’s D


Mmm?
Kermit


Because we have set up a hotline — we’ve set up a hotline, boys and girls, right here to the castle — and if anybody here knows any information regarding Rumplestiltskin’s name, if you will call us here at Sesame Street 5-55 — that’s Sesame Street 5-55 — call us here if you have any information, and you may save this lovely young lady’s baby.
M’s D


Please! Oh!mnews32
Kermit


[ The phone rings… ] Ah! Sesame Street News?
Caller 1


Hello, Kermit?
Kermit


Yes?
Caller 1


Rumplestiltskin’s name is Fred. Fred Rumplestiltskin. He used to be friends with my cousin Janice.
Kermit


Oh, that’s wonderful! Thank you so much! [ He hangs up. ]
M’s D


Oh, thank you!
Kermit


Do you hear that? Rumplestiltskin’s name is Fred! The baby is saved, isn’t that wonderful, that a total stranger would call — [ The phone rings again. ] — What’s that? Uh… Sesame Street News?
Caller 2


Hi, Kermit — I watch ya all the time on television…
Kermit


Oh, well, thank you!
Caller 2


Rumplestiltskin’s real name is Otto. Otto Rumplestiltskin. He used to play tag in the mud with my brother Dino.
Kermit


You mean… it’s not Fred? Well, who is this speaking, please?
Caller 2


None of your business. Let’s just say it’s a friend. [ He hangs up. ]
M’s D


But… I don’t HAVE any friends!
[ The phone rings again. ]
Kermit


Well, maybe this will clear things up, here… uh, Sesame Street News?
Caller 3


Hello, Kermit?
Kermit


Yeah?
Caller 3


Yeah, you tell the Miller’s Daughter that Rumplestiltskin’s real name is Barry. Yeah, Barry Rumplestiltskin. He works at the car wash — you know the one, near Smith’s drug store.
Kermit


… He does?
Caller 3


Yeah. So long. [ He hangs up. ]
Kermit


Uh…
M’s D


Oh, my…mnews33
[ There’s a knock at the door. ]
Kermit


Oh, good heavens — that’s Rumplestiltskin at the door now!
M’s D


Oh, no…
Kermit


I must betake myself to a hiding place, here… and I’ll watch the action from there… Let’s see, if I just, uh… Oh — here’s a good looking place to hide. I’ll get right in here.
[ Kermit hides in an empty baby carriage. ]mnews34
R’plstkn


Well, there we are, Miller’s Daughter! And here I am, right on time! Well! Have you guessed my name yet?
M’s D


… Is it Fred?
R’plstkn


Fred? You must be thinking of Janice’s cousin’s friend Fred. No, it’s not Fred.
M’s D


Well, then, is it Otto?
R’plstkn


Otto? No, that’s MY cousin — the one who likes to play tag in the mud.
M’s D


Hm. Then it must be Barry!
R’plstkn


You mean the guy at the car wash?
M’s D


Mm hmm!
R’plstkn


Mm mmm, no way, not Barry!
M’s D


No?

R’plstkn

Well, there you are, three strikes, and you are OUT!
M’s D


Oh…mnews35
R’plstkn


My real name is… you ready for this?
M’s D


Yes.
R’plstkn


BRUCE!
M’s D


Bruce?
R’plstkn


Bruce Rumplestiltskin! That’s right! Well, a real easy one, you missed it. So. Where’s the kid?
M’s D


Oh, he’s out hunting dragons with his father.
R’plstkn


Mm hmm, that’s what they all say. You just don’t mind if I look around, do you?
M’s D


No, go ahead.
R’plstkn


Hmmm, let’s see. If I was a baby in this castle, where would I be? [ He spots Kermit in the baby carriage. ] THERE he is!
Kermit


Listen, I’m not her baby! Uh — tell him who I am, please!
M’s D


Uhh… He likes a twelve o’clock feeding!
R’plstkn


Gotcha!
Kermit


I like a WHAT?
R’plstkn


Awww, kitchy kitchy coo! You’re a cute one!
Kermit


Kitchy kitchy coo yourself! Uh… this is Kermit the Frog, I’m going to return you to your regularly scheduled program…
R’plstkn Let’s go home! Home with Uncle Bruce!
Kermit


Uh, wait a minute. Where are you taking me? Listen, I can explain this whole thing away!
R’plstkn


You can visit on weekends!
Kermit


Wait, unhand me!
R’plstkn


Oh, we’ll play, and have fun…mnews36

by Danny Horn

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