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Part 4: Three Little Pigs

Cast: Jim Henson (Kermit), Frank Oz (Pig), Jerry Nelson (Wolf, Announcer).mnews23

Anncr


And now we take you to Kermit the Frog for another fast-breaking news story!
Kermit


[ to off-screen: ] Hey, Jeff, how’s the wife? What? She’s on camera? Oh, I’M on camera! Oh! Ahem. Hi there, Kermit the Frog, uh, Sesame Street News, reporting to you today from the house of the Three Little Pigs. And today we’re expecting the Big Bad Wolf to drop around, but first… hark, I believe this is one of the Three Little Pigs here…
Pig


[ humming ] Dee da da dee… Pig of my heart…
Kermit


Uh, pardon me, Pig…
Pig


Mmm? Yes.
Kermit


Excuse me, could I ask you a few — Kermit the Frog, Sesame Street News…
Pig Oh! Oh! Yes. [ The Pig brushes himself off. ]mnews24
Kermit


Can I ask you a question or two? Uh, for instance, could you tell me what this house is built of?
[ The Pig over-emphasizes all of his answers, hamming it up for the camera. ]
Pig


Ahem. STRAW.
Kermit


Uh huh. Straw.
Pig


STRAW.
Kermit


Yes, uh, well, could you tell us exactly why you built your house out of straw?
Pig


Because — ahem — because straw is light and easy to carry. And when we get hungry, we can nibble on a wall or two, even.
Kermit


Well, don’t you think it would’ve been better to build a house out of wood, or bricks, or something like that?
Pig Why?mnews25
Kermit


In case somebody like, oh, I don’t know, maybe a Big Bad Wolf were to come along, and huff and puff and blow the house down?
Pig


Blow this house down?
Kermit


Yeah, well…
Pig


I worked four DAYS on this house! This is a STRONG house!
Kermit


Yeah, but…
Pig


Blow this house down! Blow THIS house down! Ha, ha!
[ The Pig enters the house, chuckling to himself. ]
Pig


Oh, I gotta tell the guys that, that’s a good one! Ha, ha!
[ The Pig opens the door again to shout at Kermit. ]
Pig


‘Tis to LAUGH!
[ He slams the door. ]
Kermit He seems to take the whole subject rather lightly, but, uh… hark! What do I see coming now?mnews26
Wolf


[ The Wolf enters, humming: ] I’m gonna cook you for sup-per…
Kermit


It’s a large shaggy thing… uh, pardon me, are you indeed the Big Bad Wolf, himself?
Wolf


Oh, I am IN-DEEEEED!
[ The Wolf breathes on Kermit, who coughs at his bad breath. ]
Kermit


Uh, yeah, well, uh — whew! — can you tell me, uh, exactly, uh, what you have in mind, coming around here today?
Wolf


Oh, yeah. Well, you see, this is where the Three Little Pigs live.
Kermit


Uh, true.
Wolf


And I got some business with them, cause I’m gonna make them an offer they can’t RE-FUUUUSE!
Kermit


[ coughs ] Yeah. Well, do you mind if we from Sesame Street stand around to watch?
Wolf


Okay, but you better stand back.
Kermit


Okay. I’ll just go right over here, by this tree.
[ Kermit hides by a nearby tree as the Wolf pounds on the door. ]mnews27
Wolf


Little pig, little pig, open the door!
Kermit


Whoa, whoa, wait a minute, hold it… [ Kermit runs up to the Wolf. ] Just one second, there’s a tradition here, the Big Bad Wolf is supposed to say, “Little pig, little pig, let me come in!”
Wolf


Oh, yeah…
Kermit


That’s the line. Mm hmm. [ He goes back to the tree. ]
Wolf


Little pig, little pig, let me come in!
Pig


[ inside ] Not by the hair of my chinny chin chin!
Kermit


Somehow I thought he would say that.
Wolf


Then I’ll huff, and I’ll puff, and I’ll BLOWWWW your house in!
Kermit Stand by, folks, here it comes!mnews28
[ The Wolf huffs and puffs, and starts to blow. ]
Kermit Wow. There he goes, folks! The Wolf is huffing and puffing… and it’s really quite a — [ the tree blows away ] — good heavens, it’s really quite a breeze he’s got going here… Let’s see if he’s able to blow the house down here — [ another tree blows away ] — He’s really blowing hard — [ the fence posts blow away ] — Talk about strong breath, folks! — [ ZIP! The fire hydrant is next ] — My heavens! — [ Kermit is struggling against the wind ] — Remember, you saw it here on Sesame Street, folks! As you can see, the house is still standing, and — [ the lamp post tips over ] — Whew! The Wolf is still blowing, and so this is Kermit the Frog, and the Wolf is now returning me to Sesame Streeeeeeeeeeet………mnews29

by Danny Horn

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