Breaking News

Part 2: The big cow jump

Cast: Jim Henson (Kermit), Frank Oz (Cat), Jerry Nelson (Natalie).mnews9

Kermit Yeah, well, I tell you, Charlie, if she’s able to do this, I’ll eat my — what? Oh. Ahem. Hello there, Kermit the Frog here, to report on one of the world’s greatest athletic events — for in just a few moments, you are going to see an actual cow jump over the moon! [ Cheer ] Yes! That’s what you’re going to see right here, folks! Uh, maybe you’ve heard about this classic feat before, you know, they wrote a poem about it, it went: Hey diddle diddle, the cat and the fiddle, the cow jumped over the moon. [ Cheer ] The crowd is roaring, here they come now!mnews10
Cat


Make way for the cow! Make way for the jumpin’ cow! And here she is, folks — the jumpin’ COW! [ Cheer ]
Kermit


Listen to that crowd roar!
Cat


Stand over there, Natalie…
Kermit


Uh, pardon me, may I ask the cow a few questions?
Cat


I’m her manager, frog, what do you wanna know?
Kermit


Well, uh — just why is it, Ms Cow —
Cat


Call her Natalie!
Natalie


Call me Natalie.mnews11
Kermit


Oh, okay… uh, well, how come, Natalie, how come is it that you want to jump over the moon, how come.
Natalie


Because it’s there. Because I want to prove that we cows can do anything we set our minds to.
Cat


Terrific answer, kid.
Natalie


People think we do nothing but moo and give milk all day — but they’re wrong. We can do anything we set our minds to.
Kermit


Well, I believe it.
Cat


Yeah, yeah! All right, everybody, stand back, it is time for the jump! Ready, sweetheart?
Natalie


All systems go, Cat!
Cat


Then let’s have a fanfare, please! [ The Cat plays a fanfare on his fiddle. ] All right! Thank you, thank you, thank you! Countdown for the moon!
Kermit


This is a very exciting moment, folks.
Cat


All right! Ten! Nine! Eight! Seven! Six! Good luck, baby! Five! Four! Three! Two! One! BLAST OFF!mnews12
Natalie


Moo-OO-OO-OO!
[ Natalie blasts off into the sky. The Cat accompanies her flight with a rendition of “Wild Blue Yonder” on the fiddle. ]
Kermit


WOW! There she goes! It looks like a beautiful jump… She’s thirteen miles down range now… All systems green… Approaching first stage shutdown…
Cat


Atta way, baby!
Kermit


The G-forces are decreasing… We have escape velocity and trans lunar injection… and THERE SHE GOES!mnews13
Kermit


Lunar gravity is taking over… She’s reaching apogee… She’s over the moon!
Cat


She did it! She did it!
Kermit


And now she’s starting her return flight! Or should I say PLUNGE! Here she comes, folks, she should be contacting Earth at any moment… Her retros are firing…
Natalie


[ falling ] Eeeeeeeee-YAAAAAAAAA!mnews14
[ C-RASH!!! Natalie falls, smashing into the platform and knocking Kermit and the Cat to the ground. Kermit struggles to get up. ]
Kermit


SPLASHDOWN! There you have it, folks! The cow jumped over the moon!
Natalie


Oh, my! A small jump for cow, a giant leap for cowdom!
Cat


You all right, sweetheart?
Natalie


Phew! You don’t know the hoof of it.
Kermit


Well, that’s all from here… Kermit the Frog reporting… Tune in next week for the first annual Jack and Jill hill climb!
Cat


Let’s get outta here…mnews15

by Danny Horn

Pin It on Pinterest