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Part 2: The big cow jump
Cast: Jim Henson (Kermit), Frank Oz (Cat), Jerry Nelson (Natalie).
| Kermit | Yeah, well, I tell you, Charlie, if she’s able to do this, I’ll eat my — what? Oh. Ahem. Hello there, Kermit the Frog here, to report on one of the world’s greatest athletic events — for in just a few moments, you are going to see an actual cow jump over the moon! [ Cheer ] Yes! That’s what you’re going to see right here, folks! Uh, maybe you’ve heard about this classic feat before, you know, they wrote a poem about it, it went: Hey diddle diddle, the cat and the fiddle, the cow jumped over the moon. [ Cheer ] The crowd is roaring, here they come now! |
| Cat
|
Make way for the cow! Make way for the jumpin’ cow! And here she is, folks — the jumpin’ COW! [ Cheer ] |
| Kermit
|
Listen to that crowd roar! |
| Cat
|
Stand over there, Natalie… |
| Kermit
|
Uh, pardon me, may I ask the cow a few questions? |
| Cat
|
I’m her manager, frog, what do you wanna know? |
| Kermit
|
Well, uh — just why is it, Ms Cow — |
| Cat
|
Call her Natalie! |
| Natalie
|
Call me Natalie. |
| Kermit
|
Oh, okay… uh, well, how come, Natalie, how come is it that you want to jump over the moon, how come. |
| Natalie
|
Because it’s there. Because I want to prove that we cows can do anything we set our minds to. |
| Cat
|
Terrific answer, kid. |
| Natalie
|
People think we do nothing but moo and give milk all day — but they’re wrong. We can do anything we set our minds to. |
| Kermit
|
Well, I believe it. |
| Cat
|
Yeah, yeah! All right, everybody, stand back, it is time for the jump! Ready, sweetheart? |
| Natalie
|
All systems go, Cat! |
| Cat
|
Then let’s have a fanfare, please! [ The Cat plays a fanfare on his fiddle. ] All right! Thank you, thank you, thank you! Countdown for the moon! |
| Kermit
|
This is a very exciting moment, folks. |
| Cat
|
All right! Ten! Nine! Eight! Seven! Six! Good luck, baby! Five! Four! Three! Two! One! BLAST OFF! |
| Natalie
|
Moo-OO-OO-OO! |
| [ Natalie blasts off into the sky. The Cat accompanies her flight with a rendition of “Wild Blue Yonder” on the fiddle. ] | |
| Kermit
|
WOW! There she goes! It looks like a beautiful jump… She’s thirteen miles down range now… All systems green… Approaching first stage shutdown… |
| Cat
|
Atta way, baby! |
| Kermit
|
The G-forces are decreasing… We have escape velocity and trans lunar injection… and THERE SHE GOES! |
| Kermit
|
Lunar gravity is taking over… She’s reaching apogee… She’s over the moon! |
| Cat
|
She did it! She did it! |
| Kermit
|
And now she’s starting her return flight! Or should I say PLUNGE! Here she comes, folks, she should be contacting Earth at any moment… Her retros are firing… |
| Natalie
|
[ falling ] Eeeeeeeee-YAAAAAAAAA! |
| [ C-RASH!!! Natalie falls, smashing into the platform and knocking Kermit and the Cat to the ground. Kermit struggles to get up. ] | |
| Kermit
|
SPLASHDOWN! There you have it, folks! The cow jumped over the moon! |
| Natalie
|
Oh, my! A small jump for cow, a giant leap for cowdom! |
| Cat
|
You all right, sweetheart? |
| Natalie
|
Phew! You don’t know the hoof of it. |
| Kermit
|
Well, that’s all from here… Kermit the Frog reporting… Tune in next week for the first annual Jack and Jill hill climb! |
| Cat
|
Let’s get outta here… |
by Danny Horn
