April 2005
Toys R Ugh
the 4th annual Ugly Muppet Toys Pageant
2nd Runner Up
Guy Smiley plush
(Gund, 2004)
entered by John Hamilton
Score: 4.0
"What's the other guy look like?"
- Scott Hanson
"It looks like he's allergic to his own face."
- Rachel Parton
"IT IS NOT A TUMA!"
- Justin Werfel
1st Runner Up
Vampire Fozzie plush
(Nanco, 2003)
entered by Kevin Williams
Score: 4.7
"Fozzie, you got more thighs than a bucket of chicken.
Get on a treadmill, girlfriend!"
- John Hamilton
"I guess they achieved their goal. That's scary, all right."
- Grant Harding
"All he needs is the vampire broom and the vampire cauldron."
- Justin Werfel
"He's dressed like a witch, not a vampire, but he has Dracula teeth.
Plus his jacket is five times too small.
Then, on top of that, he just looks retarded."
- Jeremy Wilcox
And now...
The Ugliest Toy of the Year!
Fozzie mini-bean plush
(Sababa, 2004)
entered by Carolyn Wiesner
Score: 4.8 out of 5!
"I think he would be a loyal protector of the other Ugly Fozzies."
- John Hamilton
"All the ugliness of a regular Fozzie doll in a convenient pocket size!"
- Mike Horner
"Comedy and tragedy in a single body."
- Justin Werfel
"I see the problem... Somebody set this thing to Evil."
- Kynan Barker
"The doll that comes with his own telethon."
-
Jay Fosgitt
So, that wraps it up for 2005! Now, this Sababa mini-Fozzie mess can take its place in the Ugly Toy hall of shame, along with the bug-eyed mini-Kermit, the Knickerbocker Big Bird fireman, and the Starbucks Gonzo. Who'll take home the prize next year? I shudder to think.
Thanks to everybody who voted! Without you, I wouldn't be hosting a Pageant at all, I'd just be sitting here... alone... with all these toys looking at me. And some of them look hungry. Same time next year?
