April 14, 2004
Wardrobe Malfunctions
the 3rd annual Ugly Toys Pageant
2nd Runner Up
Nominee B : Oscar doll
(Nanco, 2003)
Score: 4.3
"I am shocked and awed."
-- Michal Richardson
"Apparently the result of a
Who Can Design an Oscar Doll the Fastest Contest."
-- Ryan DiGiorgi
"Here we see the majestic grouch unhinge his jaw to swallow large prey."
-- Mike Cervantes
"This wouldn't be so bad if his eyes were moved a little to the left,
and if he didn't have hair growing under his eyeballs,
and if he didn't have a huge gaping mouth,
and if he wasn't so damn ugly."
-- Ryan Roe
"I like his style. Ghetto trash, yo!"
-- Julian Kleibeler
1st Runner Up
Miss Piggy plush
(Sababa Toys, 2003)
Score: 4.4
"I must admit, I own this one and she is just as ugly in person."
-- Yancey Thrift
"Piggy's sense of taste has been one of the most unfortunate
casualties of the Muppets' evolution."
-- Ryan DiGiorgi
"This is why you should always use sunscreen."
-- Justin Werfel
"This one should win. It's biker-whore Piggy."
-- Jess Healey
And now...
The Ugliest Toy of the Year!
Gonzo finger puppet
(Starbucks, 2003)
sent in by Doug Coleman
Score: 4.7 out of 5!
"Is the pretty Gonzo telling the ugly Gonzo to turn his head and cough?"
-- David Beukema
"Too much caffeine!"
-- Lucy Posen
"The rejected Finding Nemo extra."
-- Lara Frazier
"If the Muppets ever do PSA's about not sticking things
in electrical outlets... this is your man."
-- Emmy Miklasevich
"Gonzo looks like he's missing a few chromosomes."
-- Jess Healey
So that wraps it up for this year's Ugly Toy pageant! We'll do the fourth annual pageant next year... unless, of course, there aren't any ugly Muppet toys coming out this year for us to nominate.
But let's face it, what are the odds? Same time next year!
So Here We Are: hasty reflections on the Disney deal