Sept5, 2002
TrueTales of Muppet Fandom Contest
Tournamentof Champions!
Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, frogs and pigs, to the True Tales of MuppetFandom awards. Our fuzzy and blue-ribbon panel has combed through the contestentries, and I think we've come up with the best collection of goofy Muppetfandom stories ever assembled. So we're proud to present the three prize-winningstories, along with four runner-up stories that I just didn't have the heart tothrow out.
For everyone who entered who didn't win a prize, all I can say is that I hopethe winning entries inspire you to go out there and commit even more egregiousacts of fandom. After all, thereare no losers in this contest. (Insert extremely obvious joke here.)
TheRunners-Up
Oh, you kids, you're all so cute and compulsive and vaguely unsettling, youknock me out with your adorable fanaticism. I got so many cute stories andembarrassing photos that I'm forced to award extra cheap-ass low-budgetrunner-up prizes to four more people. So, in that spirit, each runner-up wins arandom Sesame Street PVC, chosen from the vast supply of spare Sesame StreetPVC's I happen to have lying around the house. (That's a whole other story;don't ask.) In the event that one of our prize winners can not fulfill his orher duties as a Muppet Fan, the runners-up may be called upon to serve as MuppetFans in their place.
RichMorrison of Charlottesville, VA:
"My love for Kermit knew no bounds last year for Halloween. Here I amdressed up heading for a party at work, having just stepped out of my office tomy staff waiting for me. They had no idea what I was going to be till then. Mywife made the costume and ran out of the material, so she improvised withstockings that she tried to color green to some success.
"You can't see my face in the costume... only my immediate staff knew whoit was in there. To my amazement, as well as theirs, women in the building knewwho I was by my legs! I wear a suit and tie to work everyday, honest! My wifeloved it but questioned this.
"I drove home in full costume, drawing stares and waves from people. Ianswered our door and a good number of kids recognized Kermit, which pleased megreatly, knowing the Muppets are not popular TV icons currently."
Oh, man, what is not to love about this story? The stockings, the flippers, thesad office plant. Drawing (alarmed) stares and (nervous) waves from the publicat large. We've all been there, haven't we? Rich, you are a hero to everyone atTough Pigs HQ. Your prize: Snuffleupagus wearing a beret.
MarkPethick of Innisfil, Ontario:
"I got a friend of mine who worked at K-Mart to steal the large cardboard MuppetClassic Theater display for me... I think I still have it somewhere. Heworked in shipping and receiving, so he stole it before it even went up in thestore. He didn't get caught... he's now a manager in the same chain."
Okay, that story in and of itself would be scandalous enough for me -- hesnagged the display before they even got to use it! But then Mark also sent thiscute as a button photo of himself -- taken on his fifth birthday --trying out his brand-new birthday present, a Muppet Sound drum kit. Play thatfunky music, white boy. Your prize: Oscar the Grouch throwing a paperairplane.
MattO'Rourkeof Miramar, FL:
"There's a Goodwill thrift store my mother and I frequent that often hasvideos that people donate (both commercial releases and things they taped fromTV). Usually, on a good day, they'll have about 25 videos, mostly commercialreleases. Well, today was different. We went in the store, and I found a deepmetal basket, filled to the brim with tapes, all with things recorded off theTV. Now, I have struck gold in this store more than once -- I got some very rarestuff from the 80's for, like, a dollar -- so even though there was a huge pileof videos in front of me, I needed to check every one, to see if I could findany Muppet material.
"What a fool I was. I picked up and put down 553 videos that day, withoutany success. I went through nature specials, Lawrence Welk episodes, Sally JesseRaphael episodes, and lots of figure skating tapes, but no Muppets. I now have acut on my right hand pinkie finger, a bruise on my stomach and a pull in thehamstring of my left leg, all to get through every video in the basket. Peoplewere looking at the huge stacks of gone-through videos and thought I was nuts.One lady actually asked me if I was insane, and I said no, I'm a Muppetfan."
Matt, you definitely deserve something for your trouble, and I'm sorry it has tobe this. Your prize: Big Bird with a paintbrush and pallette.
Okay, y'all still with me? Then wipe that tear from your eye and check out theamazing prize winning stories on the next page...
The-- if you'll pardon the expression -- Winners!
TrueTales of Muppet Fandom Contest: The Rules
TheUgly Toy Contest: The Winners