Episode 501: Gene Kelly
Suave Gene serenades
Piggy, then Gonzo. Now, that’s
Versatility!






Episode 502: Loretta Swit
Thog makes the earth move,
Proving once and for all that
Seismic does matter.







Episode 503: Joan Baez
A rat coup d'état?!
Dear God, can you imagine?
Kiss New York good-bye...







Episode 504: Shirley Bassey
Fifty mil in gold
Buys more than a Goldfinger
Buy the whole Goldhand!







Episode 505: James Coburn
Calming Animal
With Buddhist meditation?
Yeah … good luck, Coburn.







Episode 506: Brooke Shields
Um, when you guys are
Done being brillig, please leave.
You’re freaking me out.







Episode 507: Glenda Jackson
Theaters ahoy!
This gives a new meaning to
Being all at sea.







Episode 508: Senor Wences
Lew Zealand’s manners
Are atrocious, but he sure
Hammers his point home.







Episode 509: Debbie Harry
The Frog Scouts go punk.

These kids, with their "rock 'n roll"...

And get off my lawn!







Episode 510: Jean-Pierre Rampal
Rockin’ in treetops
Works for birds, but you best have
A parachute, Zoot.







Episode 511: Paul Simon
Gonzo checks into
Vet’s Hospital. Pity it’s
Not for a nose job.







Episode 512: Melissa Manchester
The Chef chases some
Bouncing chickens with a knife –
Poultry in motion.







Episode 513: Tony Randall
Tony turns Piggy
Into solid stone. At least
Now she’s lost some weight.







Episode 514: Mac Davis
Multiple Beakers
Are really pissed at Bunsen.
They’re beside themselves!







Episode 515: Carol Burnett
Carol shouldn’t be
A lonely asparagus.
She looks quite tasty!








Episode 516: Gladys Knight
In ancient Egypt,
Singing mummies show us they
Can carry a tomb.







Episode 517: Hal Linden
The two old guys host,
While Fozzie gets to heckle.
A bear’s sweet revenge…







Episode 518: Marty Feldman
Googly eyes abound
When Marty and Cookie meet.
Long lost twin brothers?







Episode 519: Chris Langham
Hawaiian Cowboy
And Zen skiing – Chris Langham’s
A renaissance man!







Episode 520: Wally Boag
Leprechaun Brothers
Are easy to understand –
If you speak Moron.







Episode 521: Johnny Cash
Johnny insults Rowlf –
Or is “Egg-Sucking Dog” a
Term of endearment?







Episode 522: Buddy Rich
Buddy’s drum battle
With Animal results in
A sore winner! Ouch.







Episode 523: Linda Ronstadt
Linda Ronstadt sings
"When I Grow Too Old To Dream".
Sniff ... where's my Kleenex?







Episode 524: Roger Moore
Hey, join the navy!
All the ducks you can steal and
A great dental plan!

Labels: guest bloggers, poetry, The Muppet Show

posted by Ryan Roe  # 6:00 AM

Episode 401: John Denver
John and the Muppets
Start a great friendship with some
Moldy truffle jokes.






Episode 402: Crystal Gayle
Klepto prairie dogs
Run amok and rob Kermit
Of his modesty.






Episode 403: Shields and Yarnell
Take a chance on me!
Well, if you don’t mind heights or
Electrocution.







Episode 404: Dyan Cannon
Floyd has great advice
For reluctant dog-sitters:
Breathe through the keyhole.







Episode 405: Victor Borge
Borge’s Beethoven
Is very beautiful and
Cures insomnia.







Episode 406: Linda Lavin
Statler and Waldorf
Reminisce about their youth.
What was Caesar like?







Episode 407: Dudley Moore
No one likes M.A.M.M.A.
Not the band, not Kermit – it
Ain’t R2-D2!







Episode 408: Arlo Guthrie
Cows sing Elegance,
Which is an udder delight.
(Sorry. Don’t hurt me.)







Episode 409: Beverly Sills
Spoon hanging’s an art
For famous sopranos and
Culture purveyors.







Episode 410: Kenny Rogers
The frog, he bought a
Coconut. And also some
Acid, it would seem…






Episode 411: Lola Falana
Gonzo is off to
Bombay, India to star
In “Slumdog Weirdo”.







Episode 412: Phyllis George
The coveted Fred
Is an award like none else.
‘Cept bowling trophies…







Episode 413: Dizzy Gillespie
Dizzy’s bulging cheeks
Must rival even a frog’s –
They’re green with envy.







Episode 414: Liza Minnelli
Liza Minnelli
Singing Barry Manilow?!
I'm in gay heaven!







Episode 415: Anne Murray
Piggy gets around,
But don’t tell her I said so –
I value my life.







Episode 416: Jonathan Winters
Gypsies curse the show
For a measly seven bucks.
Seems the same to me!







Episode 417: Star Wars
Mark gargles Gershwin,
But that’s not really my style.
I burble Berlin!







Episode 418: Christopher Reeve
Floyd, Janice, and Bo
Irk Sam – it’s not that hard to
Ruffle his feathers.







Episode 419: Lynda Carter
Rezal-evad-gib
Eats the Muppet Newsman twice.
Now that’s a square meal.







Episode 420: Alan Arkin
Fozzie’s got rhythm.
Well, if by “rhythm”, you mean
Absolutely none.







Episode 421: Doug Henning
Fozzie somehow pulls
A rabbi out of a hat.
Is that hat kosher?







Episode 422: Andy Williams
Andy’s dorky laugh
Gets kicked up by the thought of
Bouncing baby figs.







Episode 423: Carol Channing
Does this episode
Have a guest star? Cause clearly,
Carol’s a Muppet.







Episode 424: Diana Ross
Beaker has Feelings,
But he sure doesn’t have a
Recording contract.

Labels: guest bloggers, poetry, The Muppet Show

posted by Ryan Roe  # 6:00 AM

Episode 301: Kris Kristofferson & Rita Coolidge
Gladys may be the
Ugliest Muppet ever –
And I’ve seen Ma Gorg!







Episode 302: Leo Sayer
Please don’t dance, Leo.
We like you, your song is fun,
But, good God, don’t dance!






Episode 303: Roy Clark
The Swinetrek’s toaster
Allows some guests to pop in.
It’s Beaker in spaaaaaaaaaace!






Episode 304: Gilda Radner
Don’t eat your veggies?
Well, please meet my good friend, The
Seven-Foot Carrot!







Episode 305: Pearl Bailey
Floyd’s suit of armor
Has him down. And we’ll need a
Crane to get him up.






Episode 306: Jean Stapleton
The Chef lives a lie.
He doesn’t speak real Swedish.
Geez, who can you trust?







Episode 307: Alice Cooper
Gee, that stalagmite
Sure takes his oral hygiene
For granite. (Sorry.)







Episode 308: Loretta Lynn
The Rhyming Song gang
Should watch more Sesame Street
And learn what rhymes are.







Episode 309: Liberace
I can’t decide what’s
Creepier: Liberace
Or those bird dancers…






Episode 310: Marisa Berenson
Piggy’s wedding plot
Is thwarted by flying fish.
That’s pretty crappie.






Episode 311: Raquel Welch
Raquel Welch turns on
A bunch of horny Muppets.
Watch out for felt burn!







Episode 312: James Coco
I’d like to be in
An octopus’ garden …
But not with that fish!






Episode 313: Helen Reddy
Sopwith the Camel
Dances with Helen Reddy.
My lifelong dream. Sigh.







Episode 314: Harry Belafonte
Beauregard almost
Makes Harry’s opening song
“The Onion Boat Song”.






Episode 315: Lesley Ann Warren
Lesley and Warren
Make great guest stars. And they make
A better salad!






Episode 316: Danny Kaye
Dull Clive Cahuenga
Is still a lot better than
That lousy Kaye guy.






Episode 317: Spike Milligan
There’s Spike Milligan!
Quick, get the butterfly net
And the straitjacket!






Episode 318: Leslie Uggams
“Then Gonzo hit on
Big Bird!”, I struggle to say
To my therapist.







Episode 319: Elke Sommer
Bobby Benson’s band
Is just wrong. Won’t someone please
Think of the children?!







Episode 320: Sylvester Stallone
Sly Stallone singing?
Please bring back the Mummenschanz.
At least they’re quiet.







Episode 321: Roger Miller
The pilgrim penguins
Discover a bright, new land
Of sneezing chickens.







Episode 322: Roy Rogers and Dale Evans
The show goes country.
It’s a good thing Piggy’s gone
Or she’d get hog-tied.







Episode 323: Lynn Redgrave
“Psst. How goes the night?”
“Hmm. Quiet, but still.” “Still what?”
“Still an awful joke!”







Episode 324: Cheryl Ladd
Piggy and Cheryl
Enjoy being girls. Also:
Thrashing helpless frogs.

Labels: guest bloggers, poetry, The Muppet Show

posted by Ryan Roe  # 6:00 AM

Episode 201: Don Knotts
Fozzie thinks he’s cool,
But in the end, he just proves
It’s hip to be square.





Episode 202: Zero Mostel
Beaker gets attacked
For the first time, and sets up
Thirty years of angst.





Episode 203: Milton Berle
Milton Berle’s heckled
By two old coots. What’s older?
Them, or Milton’s jokes?





Episode 204: Rich Little
Someone needs to tell
Rich Little how bad he is.
I nominate you.





Episode 205: Judy Collins
Link talks to the trees,
But that’s nothing! Judy is
Even more wooden.





Episode 206: Nancy Walker
Sam the Eagle rants
About nudity. At least
Fozzie’s got a tie!

Episode 207: Edgar Bergen
Piggy learns something –
It’s not the best idea
To fight carpentry.





Episode 208: Steve Martin
The show is canceled,
But what’s that constant guffaw?
Pipe down, Richard Hunt!

Episode 209: Madeline Kahn
The Chef starts a war
‘Tween Sweden and Mexico.
That’s rather shellfish.





Episode 210: George Burns
Here's a funny joke:
Gonzo fiddles while George Burns.
Well ... define "funny"...




Episode 211: Dom DeLuise
Dom says “Merdlidop”
So he fits in with the crowd.
Peer pressure’s a bitch.





Episode 212: Bernadette Peters
Who could snub Robin?
He’s so cute and nice and– SQUISH!
Oops. Watch where you step…





Episode 213: Rudolf Nureyev
Dr. Teeth playing
Boccherini is just like
Labor Day: No class.





Episode 214: Elton John
Miss Piggy flirts with
Elton John. I just don’t have
The heart to tell her…





Episode 215: Lou Rawls
The Muppet Newsman
Catches Mallarditis. Ew.
That's gross. Quack is whack.





Episode 216: Cleo Laine
Lovely Cleo Laine
Helps the Chef in the kitchen.
Hope she’s had her shots…





Episode 217: Julie Andrews
Pigs, chickens, now cows?!
What isn’t Gonzo into?
Lock up your livestock…





Episode 218: Jaye P. Morgan
Explosions galore
In this episode. Jaye P.
Needs better agents.

Episode 219: Peter Sellers
Though I wish I’d seen
Prunella’s Prancing Poultry,
I’ll take Bein’ Green.





Episode 220: Petula Clark
Kermit should just call
The game warden and find out
When moose season is.





Episode 221: Bob Hope
I’d go bowling with
Animal, but only if
My next of kin knew.





Episode 222: Teresa Brewer
Piggy’s dieting,
Which can mean only one thing:
Armed guards at Wendy’s.





Episode 223: John Cleese
If Crazy Harry
Were my lovely assistant,
I’d start recasting.





Episode 224: Cloris Leachman
Kermit the Pig is
A chilling glimpse into what
Their kids might look like…

Labels: guest bloggers, poetry, The Muppet Show

posted by Ryan Roe  # 6:00 AM

EPISODE 103: JOEL GREY
Pachalafaka
Is the song you sing to meet
Turkish transvestites.

EPISODE 104: RUTH BUZZI
Buzzi and Sweetums
Are star-crossed lovers who fight.
How will the kids look?

EPISODE 105: RITA MORENO
Crazy Marvin Suggs
Bangs Muppaphones night and day.
I hope they’re insured.

EPISODE 106: JIM NABORS
Here we meet Scooter.
Please ignore his presence in
Three earlier shows.

EPISODE 107: FLORENCE HENDERSON
Galley Oh Hoop Hoop!
Kermit the Frog narrates some
Hot alien porn!

EPISODE 108: PAUL WILLIAMS
Send me to Pittsburgh,
Short travel agent. But got
Anything cheaper?

EPISODE 109: CHARLES AZNAVOUR
Gonzo wears a dress
The poor guy's got more issues
Than Reader's Digest

EPISODE 110: HARVEY KORMAN
Harvey does it all!
No one can accuse him of
Being chicken. Cluck!

EPISODE 111: LENA HORNE
R! I say R-A!
R-A-G! R-A-G-G!
Rag! George loves this act.

EPISODE 112: PETER USTINOV
The writing Hatrack
Is wed to a chair. Oh man!
Think of the splinters!

EPISODE 113: BRUCE FORSYTH
A burning question:
Who the hell is Bruce Forsyth?
Who cares? That duck rules!

EPISODE 114: SANDY DUNCAN
Downing whiskey shots
Dancing in bars with monsters.
A nice girl, indeed!

EPISODE 115: CANDICE BERGEN
Kermit tells Candice
Last week, Sweetums ate the guest.
Poor Sandy Duncan.

EPISODE 116: AVERY SCHREIBER
Honeydew invents
The Gorilla Detector.
Some bugs to work out…

EPISODE 117: BEN VEREEN
Ben says dynamite
And Crazy Harry pops up.
One airborne guest star.

EPISODE 118: PHYLLIS DILLER
Will someone please get
That Hugga Wugga dude some
Afrin nasal spray?

EPISODE 119: VINCENT PRICE
On the DVDs,
Thanks to Carole King’s demands,
Vincent’s got no friends.

EPISODE 120: VALERIE HARPER
Statler goes gaga
Over Valerie. Why not?
Rhoda was a fox!

EPISODE 121: TWIGGY
Uncle Deadly rocks.
Haunting the show and many
Poor Muppet fans’ dreams.

EPISODE 122: ETHEL MERMAN
Ethel versus Pig.
The all-time diva match-up.
Take some notes, Britney.

EPISODE 123: KAYE BALLARD
The band is on strike.
The frog’s gotta watch out for
Those puppet unions.

EPISODE 124: MUMMENSCHANZ
Mummenschanz are weird.
Let’s move on to normal guests,
Like Shields and Yarnell.

Big thanks to David for sharing his mad haiku skillz, and to Muppet Wiki for photo assistance! Come back a week from today for haikus about every episode of season two! Click here to comment on this article seventeen syllables at a time on the Tough Pigs forum!

ToughPigsRyan@yahoo.com

Labels: guest bloggers, poetry, The Muppet Show

posted by Ryan Roe  # 6:00 AM