Monday, August 31, 2009
265 Dollars Worth of Kermit
by Ryan Roe
It’s Kermit!
Well, it’s sort of Kermit. The points on his collar are a little shorter than the “real” Kermit's, and his tongue’s not really the right color, and his head… You know, his head looks a lot like a watermelon. It's not the worst Kermit doll ever, but it's far from the best.
So guess how much this thing costs. Give up? Two hundred sixty-five dollars. That’s not a typo… The doll is made by the Steiff teddy bear company, and that’s the price listed for it on their website. How in the world can they justify such a steep price? Is the doll filled with diamonds? Does Steve Whitmire personally deliver the doll to your house and then stick around all afternoon to play board games with you? When you squeeze its hand, does it dispense chocolate truffles and swimming pools?
None of the above. You only get the doll. However, there is some exciting news. According to the Steiff website: “For the first time ever, Kermit will be made of genuine German mohair.” Wow! All these years the fans have been clamoring for Kermit to be made of German mohair, and finally our German mohair dreams have come true. And it’s genuine! None of that damn faux German mohair here. I mean, I hate it when I spend $265 on a doll, only to bring it home, look at it under a microscope, and discover that it’s made of imitation German mohair, or worse, genuine Czechoslovakian mohair, which any baby or elderly lady knows is shoddy mohair. That really chaps my hide.
What’s so special about mohair, anyway? What is mohair? Wikipedia says “Mohair usually refers to a silk-like fabric or yarn made from the hair of the Angora goat.” And here’s the picture for that article:
That goat looks pretty grumpy. But he’s going to be really ticked off when he gets shaved nekkid so his fur can be used to make a mediocre Kermit the Frog doll. I bet he doesn’t even like Kermit that much.
Oh, but the Kermit doll is a limited edition! So it's definitely worth the price, because instead of having one of millions of pretty crappy Kermit dolls, you'll have one of only a few hundred pretty crappy Kermit dolls! Your friends, coworkers, and the bagger at your local Wal-Mart will be so jealous.
Okay, I think I’ve sufficiently insulted this inanimate object now. But seriously, if you have $265 lying around and a burning desire for Kermit merchandise, you should probably dig under your couch cushions for some more dough and buy the Master Replicas Kermit photo puppet replica, which Amazon still lists as In Stock for $299.99. It's poseable, and the shape of head more closely resembles Kermit’s head than a large fruit.
Or just hold your horses for a while, and you can buy the eFX collectibles Reporter Kermit photo puppet replica, which is due around early 2010 and will most likely be similarly priced.
Or, for a fraction of the cost, you could just buy one of these guys on eBay and be done with it:
Thanks to Tough Pigs’ own Chris “Smig” Smigliano for bringing this thing to our attention on the Tough Pigs forum. Speaking of which, click here to talk about this thing on the very same Tough Pigs forum!
ToughPigsRyan@yahoo.com
Labels: complaining, merchandise
Sunday, August 2, 2009
Muppets vs. Muppet
by Ryan Roe
I don’t know about you, but I’m sick of “Muppets.” Not the Muppets, mind you… I think those guys are great. What I’m here to kvetch about today is the grievous misuse of the plural form “Muppets” vs. the singular “Muppet” in titles. For example, the division of Disney that owns Kermit and Gonzo and Mr. Poodlepants and the rest is called “The Muppets Studio,” and holy clam chowder does that bug me. The 2008 Christmas special was called A Muppets Christmas: Letters to Santa. Does this not flip a switch labeled "BROW-FURROW" in anyone else’s brain?
See? Isn't that better? The weird thing is, on the Muppet Show DVDs, each episode is proceeded by a logo reading "Muppet Studios." What happened to that?! They took a perfectly good thingy and made it a less perfectly good thingy!
• The Funny Movie
• The Entertaining Show
• The Mellifluous Christmas Carol
• Contagious Treasure Island
• Excruciating Classic Theater
• A Mongolian Family Christmas
• The Bootylicious Musicians of Bremen
Or could it be a misinterpretation of The Muppets’ Wizard of Oz? If you weren’t paying attention, you might miss the apostrophe, which indicates that this is not a Wizard of Oz that is exceptionally Muppets in nature, because that makes no sense, but is, rather, a Wizard of Oz which is presented by the Muppets. And I would not be shocked to find that someone at Disney wasn’t paying attention.
**Also, interesting fact: The Muppets Take Manhattan is one of only a few Muppet titles that are complete sentences. I can think of two others. How many can YOU come up with?
Labels: complaining, fanaticism, Muppet movies, The Muppet Show
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
Chef Prøblem
by Ryan Roe
I just have one very important request to present to whoever is in charge of these things: Please never use this image of the Swedish Chef again.
I have no idea how long this photo has been around... Since the early 2000s at least, and probably longer. But I've seen it on jigsaw puzzles, coasters, magnets, and various other merchandise for years, and it just showed up on the new 2009 Muppet calendar.
Did nobody at the photo session realize that this pose makes it look like the Chef is smoking a joint? It's practically begging for a quick, effortless PhotoShop job! In fact, I'm going to do an image search right now and show you all the different places on the web where people have taken this shot and turned the Chef into a pothead.
. . .
Huh. Okay. Well, I can't find any. For the first time ever, I'm actually disappointed that the people of the internet have refrained from corrupting one of my favorite family-friendly characters.
But my point still stands! It's not like this is a trademark gesture for the Chef. Has he ever even done this? Usually he uses his hands for much broader movements, like throwing rolling pins, or throwing spoons, or throwing chickens. Basically, he throws stuff. And anyway, it's not like there aren't other, better shots available. What's wrong with this one?
Isn't that better? Why can't that be the default Chef shot? So far all I've done is complain, but I want to help too. So here are my suggestions for Five Other Things for the Swedish Chef to Do with His Hands:
- Smack a lobster.
- Perform the old "detachable thumb" trick.
- Juggle.
- Toss a pizza.
- Some other thing.
Click here to roll up and discuss this article at my favorite joint, the Tough Pigs forum!
Labels: complaining, controversy, fanaticism, merchandise, The Muppet Show
Friday, November 7, 2008
Two Exciting New DVDs, and the Reasons to Complain About Them
by Ryan Roe
On Tuesday, November 4th, two Jim Henson Company DVD releases went on sale: the Fraggle Rock Complete Series Collection and The Christmas Toy, which is on DVD for the first time.
The Fraggle Rock set's release means that all 96 episodes of the series are now available, from Beginnings to Change of Address, with lots of songs and fun and life lessons and Doozers in between.
But here's the thing: If you're like me (and who isn't?), you already bought the first, second and third seasons on DVD as they came out individually. Those are some beautiful collections, with the episodes looking great and a ton of lovely and informative extras, and they were well worth the $40 or so I paid for each one. But as of now, there are no plans to release a fourth season DVD set. So if you want every episode, you have to buy the first three seasons all over again. The list price is $139.98.
Basically, Henson and HIT Entertainment are saying, "Hey there, loyal fans! Thanks a lot for buying those first three seasons on DVD, thus proving that Fraggle Rock is commercially viable. We'd like to reward you by making you pay 140 bucks for three-fourths of a series you already own! We sincerely hope you have lots of fun giving us more of your money!"
Now, it's possible they'll release a season four set in the future, and when they do, I'll stop complaining. But for now I'm going to sit here and kvetch. Oh, and the other thing -- when they first announced the complete series set, the special features touted included a new short starring Red Fraggle, which was pretty exciting news for the fans. But don't look too hard on your DVDs for this extra, 'cause it's not there. Apparently they made the announcement before the short was actually filmed, and whoops, they ran out of time to make it.
Wasn't there a Fraggle episode where Mokey learned why you should never make promises you can't keep? Maybe the Henson people should have watched that one.
As for The Christmas Toy: It's a classic, and I haven't seen it in years, so I'm pretty happy that I'll be able to own it. But that doesn't mean I couldn't be happier.
As soon as we heard that the Jim Henson Company was releasing this special on DVD, we expected that Kermit would be edited out, and sure enough, the frog is nowhere to be seen. I happen to think the whole "Henson can't release any DVDs with Kermit because he's owned by Disney now" thing is really, really stupid. I'm not a lawyer, so I'm willing to accept the possibility that it's easier legally to just leave him out. But if Fox could release Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium on DVD with Kermit's very brief cameo intact, why can't Henson keep Kermit in a special they've owned the rights to since 1986?
But that's not all! According to this review from DVD Talk, the new disc includes no special features, and no menus. No menus! Can you believe that? I mean, it's not like I love and cherish DVD menus. Usually I don't even pay much attention to them. It's just that their absence makes it seem like Henson and HIT didn't even try. To not bother with menus indicates that they didn't put any more effort into this release than any number of those no-name companies that produce the DVDs littering the dollar bins, with names like Murder Explosion and The Man With the Ugly Hat. The Christmas Toy is such a good TV special; it really deserves more.
Maybe I'm sounding ungrateful, but that's a risk I'm willing to take. Come on, guys. We've been good fans and loyal DVD-buying customers. Can't you try just a little bit harder?
Click here to complain about cool DVDs on the Tough Pigs forum!
Labels: Christmas, complaining, DVD, Fraggle Rock, merchandise
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