June 24, 2003
That One Percent
Okay, everybody, listen up. There's no time to be messing around right now.
We've got a job to do.
Naturally, you've all read the latest press release on Henson.com about the Muppet licensing plan for the next year. It makes for great reading, doesn't it? More than 30 licensees in the United States, with lots of merchandise coming out, including all our favorite stuff: DVD's, toys, knick-knacks and miscellaneous what-all.
Also, according to the press release, one of the key licensing targets for the year is "fashion forward teens and young adults ages 12-29." Which was good news for the fashion forward teens among us. (Photo of fashion forward teen provided here for your reference.)
But we're not here today to celebrate the good news, no no. We're here to talk about the one piece of bad news hidden in the press release, here in the second paragraph:
"With a 99% awareness of the Muppets and Jim Henson worldwide..."
Now that, I'm sure you'll agree, is not as happy as it may at first appear. Sure, they're using that statistic as if it were a good thing. They have to, they're public relations people. That's their job.
But you and I, we know the truth behind that statement. 99 percent of the
world's population is aware of the Muppets and Jim Henson, and that's great...
but, that nagging voice in the back of your head insists, what about that
other one percent?
I mean, maybe the PR people at Henson are satisfied with 99 percent awareness. They're busy people. They have a lot to do. They don't have time to go fretting about the one percent that fell through the cracks. They don't stay awake nights wondering about little Alfredo, or Falisha, or Chao-Lan -- just a few of the young children around the world who are so tragically Muppet-deprived that they are not even aware that the Muppets exist.
And don't fool yourself into thinking that this is just a third-world problem; that nobody you know could possibly be part of that suffering one percent. That's one out of a hundred people. The US Census Bureau has a World Population Clock on their website; if you hit the refresh button, you can watch the numbers go up. Click on that a few times, and reflect: It goes up by a hundred in less than a minute. That means that every minute that goes by, a child is born who will never, ever be aware of the Muppets and Jim Henson. That child could be living next door to you. That child could be your best friend.
It's obvious that there's work ahead of us. I personally will not be satisfied
with anything less than perfect, eternal one-hundred-percent worldwide Muppet
awareness. As long as there is one child in the world who is not aware of the
Muppets, it is the responsibility of every right-thinking person to find that
child, and make him or her aware of the Muppets immediately.
Naturally, you're saying to yourself: But I'm just one person. What can I do to help? Obviously, the most efficient way to increase public awareness is to use the power and reach of the broadcast media, but even that has its limits. Remember, even after the public awareness campaign of 1999, there are still almost 2,000 people in the world who are not yet aware of The Phantom Menace. Once the media campaigns have broken through to the majority -- and I think we can agree that with 99 percent worldwide success, they've done an excellent job -- then it's time for personal, one-on-one interventions with the stragglers.
I urge everyone reading this article to take personal responsibility on this
issue. Don't leave it for other people to find that one percent and make them
aware of the Muppets. It's a big job, and we can only do it if everyone pulls
together.
Start locally, in your own neighborhood. One easy way to tell whether there are people around you who aren't aware of the Muppets is to shout "Mahna Mahna!" -- and then listen. Any individual who doesn't give the appropriate response ("doo-doo, de doo-doo") may be a member of the one percent.
Once you've identified a Muppet-naive, remember to start slowly, bringing them to full Muppet awareness one step at a time. Engage their curiosity. "This is Statler," you might say, "and this is Waldorf." Your client will naturally ask why these old guys are sitting in a balcony. This is the first step; they're becoming aware that they have a problem, and they need help.
The international standard for Muppet awareness is that by the end of the
treatment program, the client will be able to distinguish Fozzie from Gonzo at
least three tries out of five. When your client reaches this level, you can
cross their name off your list. Please remember to send the completion form
to your local registry office, so that other volunteers won't waste time
tracking down someone who's already Muppet-aware.
Above, all, never give up hope. Remember that we've already achieved 99 percent awareness. All we need to do is take that final step. As Margaret Mead once said, "Never doubt that a small group of committed, fashion forward teens can change the world. Indeed, it's the only thing that ever has."
Strange Trip: Big Boy Meets the Muppets
Muppet Book Club: "The Case of the Missing Mother"
Muppet Book Club: "Cookie Monster and the Cookie Tree"