May 1, 2002
The Tough Pigs Annual Countdown
of the 50 Greatest Muppet Moments
of All Time!
I don't know if anybody's noticed, but thanks to a decade of neglect, the entire editorial board of TV Guide has gradually gone irretrievably insane. Everybody gets their TV listings from the internet these days, so nobody needs TV Guide anymore. It's a little fossil of our pre-wired days, preserved throughout history like Joan Collins.
In fact, the staff of TV Guide is so starved for attention, they've started making every issue an "event." Just look at four of the last five issues: The 50th Anniversary TV Guide issue! The 35 Greatest Episodes of Star Trek issue! The issue with five different Spider-Man covers! The issue with the 50 Greatest TV Shows of All Time!
Every issue has multiple covers, every issue has a list, and it doesn't even seem like they're writing about TV half the time. Basically, something has gone horribly wrong with the staff of TV Guide. They're hurting, and they're lashing out, and it's only a matter of time before they start holding their breath and hosting awards shows until we start caring about broadcast TV again.
And the worst part of it all is that it seems to be working, so I'm going to take their example to heart.
So now -- to celebrate my own desire for constant attention -- I am honored to present to you The Official Tough Pigs Annual Countdown of the 50 Greatest Muppet Moments of All Time!
50. The Swedish Chef getting shot at by the lobster banditos.
49. Sweetums following the car to Hollywood.
48. Herry and John-John. Nuff said.
47. Grover singing "Over Under Around and Through" and then falling down.
46. Beverly Sills tap-dancing.
45. Three words: The. Amazing. Mumford.
44. Emmet Otter putting a hole in the washtub.
43. Jim and Sprocket doing the dishes at the end of A Muppet Family Christmas.
42. The Pod People Dance, cause if there isn't anything on this list from The Dark
Crystal, then I'm gonna get a lot of nasty e-mails.
41. Emmet Otter putting a hole in the washtub. Oh, I did that one already.
40. Pretty much any scene with Junior Gorg.
39. Especially if he's dancing.
38. The 1981 Miss Piggy Cover Girl Calendar and The Tutter Family Reunion (tie).
37. The banana sketch.
36. Croonchy Stars!
35. The fact that you can walk into any flea market anywhere in America and find
a Great Muppet Caper glass.
34. Tickle Me Elmo: The Early Years.
33. The part in The Muppets at Walt Disney World where the little girl from The
Cosby Show sings "The Rainbow Connection" to Kermit.
32. Philo. No, wait, Gunge. No. Philo.
31. The episode where Lucy did the commercial for Vitameatavegamin.
30. Miss Piggy on a motorcycle crashing through a plate glass window.
29. The dream I had where Jerry Nelson and Steve Whitmire lived in my basement
and did Gobo and Wembley for me.
28. The Cosmic Fish. No, just kidding.
27. "Bear left!" "Right, frog."
26. The Dinosaurs episode that parodied the Anita Hill - Clarence Thomas hearings.
25. Absolutely nothing from Muppet Babies.
24. Mother Goose Stories: Ditto.
23. That week in 1981 when you could walk into any given store anywhere in the
world and find something with Miss Piggy on it.
22. The Vet's Hospital sketch when they were doing the dance marathon.
21. Floyd's laugh. It's just so excellent.
20. Oh, no, wait -- it wasn't Vet's Hospital. I meant the Pigs in Space when they
were doing the dance marathon.
19. "The National Association of W Lovers."
18. Kris Kristofferson and Rita Coolidge.
17. Miss Piggy making fun of Martha Stewart right to her face and Martha Stewart
not really noticing.
16. The Tough Pigs Annual Countdown of the 50 Greatest Muppet Moments of
15. Marvin Suggs and His Amazing Muppaphone playing "Lady of Spain."
14. Ernie drawing Bert's face on the screen.
13. Lionel Richie getting sick and not showing up for Muppetfest.
12. Steve Whitmire getting sick and still showing up for Muppetfest.
11. Elmo chuckling and saying, "MIST-ah NOO-dle."
10. Kermit's Swamp Years (pending).
9. "Good grief, the comedian's a bear!"
8. Yeah, yeah. We come from the fire, go back to the fire, blah blah blah.
7. A few years ago when college students were buying a lot of Sesame Street
6. "Have a popover, froggy!"
5. Rosie O'Donnell explaining that when she said she "loved" Elmo, she just meant that she wanted him to serve her lemonade.
4. The Goblin Dance. Kidding again!
3. "I will spank you, okay. I will spank you like a bad, bad donkey!"
2. Mahna Mahna. It defined a generation.
And the #1 Greatest Muppet Moment of All Time is:
1. That part in The Great Muppet Caper when Kermit and Piggy are arguing because she lied to him about being Lady Holliday, and he tells her she's overacting, and she gets insulted and starts crying, and he comforts her and apologizes, and then the resolution of the overacting argument kind of blends into the resolution of the lying about being Lady Holliday argument. And then they're in love, and they go ride bicycles.