Tough Pigs News Extra updated Dec 1, 2001
Jack and the Beanstalk: The Reviews
USA Today (Robert Bianco, Nov 29) Talk about killing the goose that laid the golden egg. After a brilliant beginning with Gulliver's Travels, the fantasy miniseries has gone into a precipitous decline with such fiascos as Noah's Ark, The Magical Legend of the Leprechauns and last season's The Lost Empire. Now Jim Henson Productions, which created Gulliver, might strike the genre-killing blow with the seediest tale of them all, Jack and the Beanstalk: The Real Story. Excruciatingly awful in every way, Jack is the ultimate fun-free adventure, guaranteed to bore children of all ages. In fact, the only real fantasy here is the idea that an audience exists for this hybrid of grim fairy-tale, middle-aged angst and sour revisionist mush. Directed by Brian Henson, who also helped with what passes for a script, Jack is the story of billionaire Jack Robinson (a game Matthew Modine), the great-great-great-grandson of the Jack who climbed the beanstalk. Despite his wealth, Jack is unhappy, partly because the Jacks in his family never live far past 40. Jack's life takes a sudden turn when workers at his company's latest project -- a huge casino on the grounds of the ancestral castle in England -- discover a mysterious giant skeleton. That provokes a visit from an equally mysterious woman, Ondine (Mia Sara), who tells Jack the family fortune was based on murder and theft. Not so, says Jack's adviser, Siggy -- Jon Voight with a Ludwig von Drake accent -- who tells him, "I'm sure ve never shtooped to stealing." Ah, but they did shtoop, as Jack learns from the family matriarch, Wilhelmina (Vanessa Redgrave). It's a tribute to Redgrave that she shines despite being saddled with an out-of-place German accent. By this time, assuming they're still awake, children will no doubt be wondering what happened to the magic beans, the goose and the golden harp. Finally, Wilhelmina tells Jack the story of Jack the First, who climbed a plastic beanstalk and found a floating world of badly done computer animation. Thanks to Bean Boy, the family is rich but cursed -- a curse the current Jack can reverse only by climbing another beanstalk. And climb he does, but not until Tuesday. There he finds a Justice League of giants, led by Richard Attenborough and Daryl Hannah -- whose pale skin and blue lipstick make her look like she was just fished out of a frozen pond. But Hannah's makeup can occupy you for only so long before your mind starts to wander. If they can travel between worlds, why didn't the giants retrieve the goose and harp themselves? And what rich family builds a casino around the ancestral home? Redgrave is wonderful, and Voight has a few funny moments, though odds are no one will be around to see them. The rest of the cast would be best served by pretending Jack never happened. Good advice, all around. 1½ stars out of 4.
The New York Times (Anita Gates, Dec 1) Jim Henson's Jack and the Beanstalk: The Real Story begins with the luscious, ominous voice of Vanessa Redgrave intoning, "Once upon a time," and goes downhill from there. She plays a mysterious countess who appears to have remained the same age for centuries. Whenever she or her voice is around ("You think you are too old to believe in the impossible," she tells Jack), this Jack and the Beanstalk holds the promise of turning into a delicious piece of fantasy. The rest of the time, the film tries to prove how many genres it can transform itself into over the course of four hours on two nights. Sometimes it's a gentle but frightening fairy tale for grown-ups; at one point it turns into an action thriller; and Jack's trial scene looks like an out-take from Star Trek. The giant judges include a Wookie look-alike, Richard Attenborough in somber robes and a Daryl Hannah so tranquil and soft-spoken that she seems to be on drugs. The film, directed by the talented Brian Henson, has a lot of juicy conceits, including Ms. Redgrave's apparently immortal character, a centuries-old family curse and the revisionist notion that the giant might have been the victim rather than the villain. But it's derivative in a way that feels stale. Maybe more Muppets would have helped.
TV Guide (Susan Stanton, Dec 1) Everybody knows the story of Jack and his legume, but you need to be a botanist to follow this lush and overgrown retelling. Matthew Modine is a modern Jack, descendant of the Jack who stole a golden goose and built an empire. There are also notable costars: Jon Voight hams it up, Vanessa Redgrave adds some class, and Daryl Hannah wears blue lipstick for no obvious reason. The sets brilliantly blend antique and futuristic worlds, but the script doesn't do as well -- it's more idiotic than organic. 4 out of 10.
Entertainment Weekly (Dalton Ross, Nov 30) Fairy tales are for kids, but at least they're for someone. CBS' updated version attempts to play to audiences young and old, and ends up failing on both ends. Matthew Modine plays the modern-day Jack, who must undo generations worth of family misfortune from his great-great-great grandfather's first trip up the vine. The new spin would be fine if it didn't take so damn long to set up the story. I mean, what's with waiting a full hour to finally show us some stalk? By that time audiences are likely to begin a climb of their own... into bed. C-
|