Tough Pigs Anthology

May 2003

 

Breaking News

Part 15: Little Red Riding Hood

 

Cast: Jim Henson (Kermit), Fran Brill (Little Red Riding Hood), 

Richard Hunt (Taxi Driver), Kevin Clash (Big Bad Wolf), 

unknown? (Grandmother), Jerry Nelson (Announcer).

 

    

 

 

Announcer

 

We take you now to Kermit the Frog with another fast breaking news story!

 

Kermit

 

[ Kermit is facing the wrong way. He realizes his mistake and turns around. ]  Oh! Uh. Hi ho, Kermit the Frog here for Sesame Street News, and I'm standing in the forest here, waiting for Little Red Riding Hood, who's supposed to be coming this way on her way to her grandmother's house! And, uh -- hark! I think that's her coming now.

 

 

 

[ Little Red Riding Hood enters, humming. ] 

 

Little Red

 

Uh oh. I think I'm lost. Excuse me, Mr Frog?

 

Kermit

 

Uh, yes, Kermit the Frog of Sesame Street News, ma'am? 

 

Little Red

 

Hello.

 

Kermit

 

Hi. 

 

Little Red

 

Could you please tell me how to get to Grandmother's house?

 

Kermit

 

Oh, I would be very happy to. Matter of fact, I happen to have a map of the entire area, right over here... 

 

 

    

 

 

Little Red

 

Oh, great!

 

Kermit

 

If you'll just step over here, I'll show you...  [ Kermit reaches up and pulls down a map. ]  ... this map of the entire area. You see, right here -- 

 

Little Red

 

Uh huh.

 

Kermit

 

This is the entire area. 

 

Little Red

 

Uh huh. 

 

Kermit

 

Now, where we are is, we're standing in the woods, right here, you see?

 

Little Red

 

Mm hmm.

 

Kermit

 

Now, in order to get to Grandmother's house, which is right up here... 

 

 

[ As Kermit explains, Little Red gets distracted brushing off her cape. ] 

 

Kermit

 

... you have to walk down this road right here, till you come to the shopping center. And then, um...

 

 

    

 

 

 

 

[ Kermit notices that Little Red is distracted. ]

 

Kermit

 

Excuse me, uh, Miss Riding Hood...

 

Little Red

 

Yes?

 

Kermit

 

You're not listening to me.

 

Little Red

 

Oh, I'm sorry. I had some lint on my pretty new red cape. Please, please. Go on.

 

Kermit

 

Well, I will, but I think I'd better start all over again, because you weren't listening.

 

Little Red

 

Oh, okay. Uh huh. Thank you.

 

Kermit

 

Well, starting all over again, you see, we're in the woods, here.

 

Little Red

 

Mm hmm!

 

Kermit

 

Now, to get to Granny's house, you have to go down this road here, until you come to the shopping center.  [ Little Red starts brushing more lint off her cape. ]  That's where you have to make a left turn, go through the covered bridge, until you... uh, Miss Hood.

 

Little Red

 

Hmm? What? Oh. Hiya.

 

Kermit

 

You're not listening!

 

Little Red

 

Oh, I'm sorry.

 

Kermit

 

Now, how do you expect to get to Granny's house, if you don't listen?

 

Little Red

 

By taxi.

 

Kermit

 

Taxi?

 

Little Red

 

Yeah, I just hop a taxi. TAXI!

 

 

    

 

 

 

 

[ A taxi immediately screeches up, and Red gets in. ]

 

Taxi Driver

 

Yeah, where to?

 

Little Red

 

Could you please take me to Grandmother's house?

 

Taxi Driver

 

Grandmother's? Uh, that's by the railroad track, right? 

 

Little Red

 

Well, I'm not sure...

 

Taxi Driver

 

Eh, never mind. We'll find it! Heh heh heh. Okay!

 

[ The taxi speeds off, leaving Kermit behind. ] 

 

 

    

 

 

 

 

[ The Big Bad Wolf approaches. ]

 

Wolf

 

Hey, Mac! I've kinda lost my way here.

 

Kermit

 

Wait a second! Are you the Big Bad Wolf? 

 

Wolf

 

You got it, frog! Hey - would you happen to know the way to Grandma's house?

 

Kermit

 

Well, as a matter of fact, I do, and I'll be happy to tell you, if you'll only listen to me.

 

Wolf

 

Hey, I'd be glad to listen! I wanta find out real bad! If I don't -- there'll be no story! 

 

Kermit

 

Yes, right. Okay. Well, I happen to have a map of the entire area right over here. Now, you see, we're in the woods right here... 

 

 

[ Granny enters, moaning. ]

 

Granny

 

Oh me, oh my...

 

Wolf

 

Why, Grandma! What do you know! I was just trying to get to your house.

 

Granny

 

Oh, were you! Well, I was too! But I got lost...

 

Wolf

 

Well, hey... this frog here said he knows the way!

 

Granny

 

You DO?

 

Kermit

 

Yes, I do, and I'd be happy to tell you all, if you'll just listen to me.

 

Wolf

 

Hey, Mac, I'm ALLLLLL ears!

 

Granny

 

And I'm all ears too, Mac!

 

Kermit

 

Uh, okay... well, now, let me just tell you all. You see, we're in the woods right here...

 

Granny

 

[ not paying attention to Kermit ]  Speaking of ears, you got an awful big set of ears! They're kinda cute, too, heh heh.

 

Wolf

 

Awwww... well, thank you there, Granny... I was just kinda admiring that hairdo of yours...

 

Granny

 

Oh, were you! I just had it changed recently! I had it a different way for years! I had trouble with my hairdresser, you see...

 

Kermit

 

Hey, listen... uh... Will both of you PIPE DOWN and LISTEN TO ME? 

 

 

    

 

 

 

 

[ The taxi pulls up again. ]

 

Taxi Driver

 

Yeah, uh... where are we?

 

Little Red

 

I told you it was left at the shopping center!

 

Taxi Driver

 

No, no... if we'da gone left, we woulda gone through the toll bridge...

 

Little Red

 

No, no, no, no, no...

 

Taxi Driver

 

It would have cost ya an extra quarter!

 

Little Red

 

Oh, look, there's Grandmother... Grandmother!

 

Granny

 

Mm hmm?

 

Little Red

 

Do you turn left or right at the shopping center to get to your house?

 

Granny

 

What shopping center?

 

Wolf

 

I thought you turned at the video arcade!

 

Little Red

 

No, no, no.

 

Kermit

 

Uh, listen... QUI-ET!

 

 

    

 

 

Kermit

 

Listen, nobody's going to find out how to get to Grandmother's house unless you listen to ME!

 

Taxi Driver

 

Well, uh... okay, man! I mean, frog. We're all ears.

 

Little Red

 

Yeah. 

 

Kermit

 

Okay. Well, let me just show you on the map, over here. You see, right now, we're in the woods right here... Now, when you go out of this...

 

Wolf

 

Aw, why don't we just forget all this going to Grandma's stuff, and have a picnic here?

 

Little Red

 

Okay. Although I know it was at the shopping center...

 

Kermit

 

Now, when you get to the... uh... what's going on?

 

Little Red

 

We're having a picnic! If you'd been listening, you would know what we're doing! 

 

Taxi Driver

 

Yeah! Pass the mustard, will ya?

 

Kermit

 

Uh... This is Kermit the Frog returning you to your regularly scheduled... program...

 

 

    

 

 

Next in the Anthology:

 

The News Flash concludes with 

a three-part evening at the Prince's ball!

 

Part 16: The Cinderella Trilogy, Episode I

 

News Flash contents

 

 

Danny@ToughPigs.com

 

 

Tough Pigs Anthology Contents

March 2003 -- The Early Days of the Muppet Show Comic Strip

Feb 2003 -- Ernie vs Bert

Aug/Sept 2002 -- The Road to Hollywood

July 2002 -- The Decline and Fall of Gorch, part two: The Fall

June 2002 -- The Decline and Fall of Gorch, part one: The Decline

May 2002 -- Giant Frogs!

April 2002 -- April Frog's Day

March 2002 -- The Muppets Take Madison Avenue

February 2002 -- Kermit and Piggy : That Magnificent Hankering

January 2002 -- Off the Street

December 2001 -- It Feels Like Christmas

November 2001 -- Muppets: 1, Host: 0