Tough Pigs Anthology

April 2003

 

Breaking News

Part 7: Piper's Pickled Peppers

 

Cast: Jim Henson (Kermit), 

Frank Oz (Porter Piper, Poppa Piper, Parker Piper),

Jerry Nelson (Piper Piper, Announcer),

Richard Hunt (Potter Piper).

 

    

 

 

Anncr

 

We take you now to Kermit the Frog with another fast-breaking news story!

 

Kermit

 

Now, y'see, Charlie, there's gonna be a lot of "puh" sounds in this interview. No, "puh". That's the sound of the letter P. See the sign right there? See those big P's, there? Piper's Pickled Peppers. No, that's Piper's Pickled Peppers. Uh... what's that, Charlie? Wipe off the microphone? Oh.  [ He wipes it off on his coat. ]  Oh, uh... hi ho there! This is Kermit the Frog, and I'm speaking to you from the pickled pepper patch of Peter Piper, who's famous for picking a peck of pickled peppers. 

 

 

    

 

 

Kermit

 

And as a matter of fact, here comes Peter Piper now. Excuse me, pardon me, sir, but are you indeed Peter Piper?

 

Porter

 

Nope! Nope, I'm his brother, Porter Piper.

 

Kermit

 

Uh... Porter Piper. I see. But you have also picked a peck of pickled peppers.

 

Porter

 

Well, all we Pipers pick pickled peppers. We're pepper pickers. 

 

Kermit

 

I see. Uh huh.

 

Porter

 

But Pete gets the publicity.

 

Kermit

 

Oh.

 

Porter

 

Excuse me, I gotta go pick a peck. Pardon.

 

Kermit

 

Oh, okay. All right. So, uh, so that was Porter Piper.

 

 

    

 

 

Kermit

 

But, oh! Oh! Peter Piper, I presume? 

 

Potter

 

No, sorry, pal. I'm Potter Piper, his other brother. 

 

Kermit

 

Oh, I see, uh, Porter Piper and Potter Piper... but no Peter Piper. Well, let's see, uh, what do you call this place we're standing on, sir?

 

Potter

 

Oh, it's where we put the pickled peppers after picking. Yeah, it's our pickled pepper pile. Oh, excuse me, I gotta go pick a peck. 

 

Kermit

 

A pickled pepper pile. I see. Oh, uh, pardon me, uh, sir -- or madam, I suppose... I guess you're not Peter Piper. 

 

Piper

 

Oh, positively! I'm his sister, Piper Piper.

 

Kermit

 

Piper Piper? 

 

Piper

 

Is there an echo here? 

 

Kermit

 

But, listen, tell me, after you've picked these pickled peppers, what do you do with them?

 

Piper

 

Oh, we pack them. 

 

Kermit

 

I see. So sometimes you're picking pickled peppers, and sometimes you're packing peppers. 

 

Piper

 

Mmm.

 

Kermit

 

Uh... what do you pack them in, Piper? 

 

Piper

 

Paper. 

 

Kermit

 

I should have guessed.

 

 

    

 

 

Kermit

 

Ah, well, let's see, uh... Oh! Pardon me, sir. You -- YOU must be Peter Piper!

 

Poppa

 

Nope, nope! I'm his father, Poppa Piper.

 

Kermit

 

Poppa Piper. Well, you certainly have quite a family here.

 

Poppa

 

Oh, yep, yep, yep. There's, uh, Peter Piper, and, uh, Porter Piper, and Potter Piper, and, uh, Piper Piper... 

 

Kermit

 

Yeah. And who's this, right here? 

 

Poppa

 

Oh, that's our dog, Pepper Popper.

 

Kermit

 

Uh, Pepper... 

 

Poppa

 

Pepper Piper. Right. 

 

Kermit

 

Pepper Piper. I thought that's what you meant. 

 

Poppa

 

Right.

 

Kermit

 

And who's this thing, here?

 

Poppa

 

Oh, that's our pig, Porker Piper. Yup, and we got a parrot... 

 

Kermit

 

A parrot. 

 

Poppa

 

Yep, a parrot called Polly Piper.

 

Kermit

 

Polly Piper! I should have known. 

 

Poppa

 

Mm hmm. She pecks pickled peppers. 

 

Kermit

 

She PECKS them! Oh ho! Very good! Uh huh! 

 

Poppa

 

Yep! Well, I gotta go pick a peck. 

 

 

    

 

 

Kermit

 

Right... This is ridiculous. Oh! Now, wait a second. Pardon me, are YOU Peter Piper, or what? Don't tell me you're his nephew.

 

Parker

 

No, I'm his cousin, Parker Piper. 

 

Kermit

 

Now, wait a minute! I came here to meet Peter Piper! I've met Porter Piper, Potter Piper, Piper Piper, Poppa Piper, Pepper Piper, Porker Piper and Parker Piper, all picking peppers, and WHERE IS PETER PIPER?!?

 

Parker

 

Ah. He's in Portland, pressing pants.

 

Kermit

 

Oh, phooey.  [ Kermit sighs, and sits down in the pile. Peppers fall on his head. ]  Well, from the pickled pepper pile in Piper's Pickled Pepper Patch, this is Kermit the Frog, returning you to the program in progress... Anybody got a letter Q? 

 

[ A pepper basket falls on his head. ]

 

 

    

 

 

Next in the Anthology:

 

A visit from the three Elves -- Squeaky, Sneaky and Leaky!

 

Part 8: The Poor Little Shoemaker

 

 

News Flash contents

 

 

Danny@ToughPigs.com

 

 

Tough Pigs Anthology Contents

March 2003 -- The Early Days of the Muppet Show Comic Strip

Feb 2003 -- Ernie vs Bert

Aug/Sept 2002 -- The Road to Hollywood

July 2002 -- The Decline and Fall of Gorch, part two: The Fall

June 2002 -- The Decline and Fall of Gorch, part one: The Decline

May 2002 -- Giant Frogs!

April 2002 -- April Frog's Day

March 2002 -- The Muppets Take Madison Avenue

February 2002 -- Kermit and Piggy : That Magnificent Hankering

January 2002 -- Off the Street

December 2001 -- It Feels Like Christmas

November 2001 -- Muppets: 1, Host: 0