Tuesday, July 8, 2008
Sam the Eagle vs. Will Smith
by Ryan Roe
Did you have a good Independence Day weekend? I sure did. Any 4th of July in which you set off fireworks without losing any major extremities is a successful 4th of July, I say.
But that wasn't the most exciting thing about this year's Fourth. No, the most exciting thing was the appearance of a new Muppet video! It's called "Stars & Stripes FOREVER!" and it showed up on YouTube, posted by a user called "patrioticeagle", who is apparently our favorite bald blue bird, Sam. Here, check it out:
Lead actors
Muppet video: Sam the Eagle, Bobo, Beaker, Animal, the Swedish Chef
Hancock: Will Smith, Jason Bateman, Charlize Theron
Winner: Hancock by a nose, but only because Beaker hasn't been nominated for any Oscars (He just has the one Golden Globe).
Supporting characters
Hancock: A little kid, some criminals
Muppet video: Chickens and a penguin
Winner: Muppets, by far. Hollywood has yet to fully exploit the potential of singing chickens.
How many times can you watch it in 92 minutes?
Hancock: Once
Muppet video: 46 times
Winner: Muppets
Can you watch it with your elderly aunt?
Hancock: Definitely not. There's violence, drinking (of alcohol!!!), and more profanity than you can shake a sailor's mouth at.
Muppet video: Absolutely. And your elderly aunt probably loves the Muppets. After all, they worked with Milton Berle!
Explosions
Muppet video: One
Hancock: More than one
Winner: Hancock. They're a bit more impressive, though I certainly don't mean to diminish the fine work of Crazy Harry in the Muppet video, and I'd like to request that he please not blow me up.
Patriotism
Hancock: None to speak of
Muppet video: Overstuffed with it, from the song choice to Sam's reading of the Constitution to the montage of traditional American images playing in the background. It's so patriotic it makes me want to buy war bonds.
Winner: Muppet video
Conclusion: The Muppets win! Sorry, Will.
Click here to discuss the Stars & Stripes video on the Tough Pigs forum!
But that wasn't the most exciting thing about this year's Fourth. No, the most exciting thing was the appearance of a new Muppet video! It's called "Stars & Stripes FOREVER!" and it showed up on YouTube, posted by a user called "patrioticeagle", who is apparently our favorite bald blue bird, Sam. Here, check it out:
Lead actors
Muppet video: Sam the Eagle, Bobo, Beaker, Animal, the Swedish Chef
Hancock: Will Smith, Jason Bateman, Charlize Theron
Winner: Hancock by a nose, but only because Beaker hasn't been nominated for any Oscars (He just has the one Golden Globe).
Supporting characters
Hancock: A little kid, some criminals
Muppet video: Chickens and a penguin
Winner: Muppets, by far. Hollywood has yet to fully exploit the potential of singing chickens.
How many times can you watch it in 92 minutes?
Hancock: Once
Muppet video: 46 times
Winner: Muppets
Can you watch it with your elderly aunt?
Hancock: Definitely not. There's violence, drinking (of alcohol!!!), and more profanity than you can shake a sailor's mouth at.
Muppet video: Absolutely. And your elderly aunt probably loves the Muppets. After all, they worked with Milton Berle!
Explosions
Muppet video: One
Hancock: More than one
Winner: Hancock. They're a bit more impressive, though I certainly don't mean to diminish the fine work of Crazy Harry in the Muppet video, and I'd like to request that he please not blow me up.
Patriotism
Hancock: None to speak of
Muppet video: Overstuffed with it, from the song choice to Sam's reading of the Constitution to the montage of traditional American images playing in the background. It's so patriotic it makes me want to buy war bonds.
Winner: Muppet video
Conclusion: The Muppets win! Sorry, Will.
Click here to discuss the Stars & Stripes video on the Tough Pigs forum!
ToughPigsRyan@yahoo.com
Labels: internet
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